My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years now, and I’ve tried multiple times to get him into the doctor or the dentist to no avail. I have some concerns about his health that a basic evaluation would take care of, but every time I approach the subject he gets defensive. I’m definitely a hypochondriac, and in the past he’s said something to the affect of “don’t push your paranoia about your own health on me”, which I can understand since I tend to overreact when it comes to my own issues, but since he hasn’t been to the doctor/dentist in so long I don’t see the harm in going for a check up. How do I approach this without seeming like I’m nagging him? I’ve thought about the whole ‘make an appointment for him and just show up without telling him’ but I guarantee this would not go over well. He doesn’t like me lying to him, and even though it would be in an attempt to help, I would still be taking his autonomy away and manipulating the situation. I do not think he’d even go in if I pulled up to the hospital and told him he had an appointment. I want to understand his side of it, but I’ve asked if he’s nervous and he says no, and he’s told me more than once that when he answers me he means what he’s saying, that there isn’t a hidden meaning, and so I believe him when he says he’s not scared. I just care about his health, this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, and I don’t want to just ignore symptoms when I see them in front of me for fear of upsetting him, but I also don’t want to upset him. Help?
14 comments
You wrote all that without saying what’s actually wrong with him. If he’s not showing any signs why would he go? Hell I wouldn’t
It’s a long shot but you could always ask if he’d go once just for you.
what are the symptoms?
What exactly are the health concerns? You can’t convince him to go if he isn’t feeling anything.
>I’ve thought about the whole ‘make an appointment for him and just showup without telling him’ but I guarantee this would not go over well
Good judgement!
What in particular is making you feel like he needs a check up? Is he showing concerning symptoms?
Difficult to tell if there’s anything actually wrong with him, but you could ask him to go and get a physical and some blood work. It’s a good thing to do yearly to establish some baselines for the future. If he’s in his 20s that will be a hard sell though.
How do I approach this without seeming like I’m nagging him? You dont, you are literally nagging him. Alot of us dont go because if we get sick we get over it within a few days and are good again.
5 years without standard dental care (cleanings twice a year) would be a deal breaker for me.
Everyone, no matter their age should see a physician once a year for a standard physical and the dentist twice a year for routine cleanings and check up.
It isn’t hard to do these things and he doesn’t care for himself, how can he take care of you?
Withhold sex
i remember i was like this too until i fell off a 10 foot tree
Do not just make an appointment. That will not go well. My suggestion is rather than seeming like the hypochondriac, ask him to do it as a favor to you. Tell him you’d feel a lot more comfortable if he went.
Can he afford a doctor? I have t been to a doc in like 8 years because I don’t have money for that
You can’t force an adult to do anything they don’t want to do. Let him be. If you force the issue he will end up resenting you. If you love the man, just accept that he is responsible for his own well being and move on.
Nag nag nag. Thats what you sound like to him.
What’s his relationship like with his mother and could she help here?
Sometimes it’s not the destination but the mode of transport to get you there.
And don’t take that personally, I know nothing about you or your life or am suggesting you’re the issue. Just a different voice can help get through sometimes.