I recently got out of an unhealthy ‘situationship’ a month or two ago, and ever since I’ve struggled with discomfort when people touch me and the inability to initiate touch without getting anxious or uncomfortable.
It took me a while, maybe a little over a year, after the covid lockdown to get comfortable and confident touching people again. Around that time is when I got into the relationship (a mistake honestly).
I don’t know how to get comfortable touching people again when I warm up to it more because any suggestions I’ve seen make my skin crawl or I end up feeling like running away screaming. (Examples of these suggestions have been going to get a massage or dancing.)
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It’s a familiar situation for me too. Basically the underlying problem is that your trust for others has been broken by the toxic relation. There is a fear now subconsciously where you’re scared that anyone touching you might hurt you like that relation (Touch is something that is intimate and comes with trust, even though you might not think all touch is).
Basically give yourself time to heal. Reflect on what happened in that relation and find connections between the thing the person did and the wrong ways you have been touched (Mentally of physically doesn’t matter). Take your time to trust again, ask friends that you trust to maybe help you with this.
I have a friend I have asked to sometimes stay over as it helps me calm down. This is also someone I can be really open about issues with and easily communicate my borders with. If you can have a relation with someone like that, it would majorly help. All it takes is open communication, which might be scary at first.