Trying to figure out what is it that i like about clubs that keeps me wanting to go back but when i’m actually there i just stand around awkwardly.

Why did God have to make it so hard for me to break social barriers and just go with the flow. I can’t dance for longer than 3 seconds before thinking everyone is looking at my awkward moves and getting nervous.

Maybe i like when girls look at me cuz i’m not that bad in terms of looks. But i’m too socially awkward to go and talk to them and do something abt it, usually everyone is in a good mood and easy to go to and talk, even if you feel attraction but it’s so hard to just go and talk, i suddenly feel a lot of pressure when a girl looks at me and sees me looking back at her…

Even if all these things make you think i hate clubs, i actually hate that i can’t not feel awkward in a club and maybe the best thing to do is keep going until i start getting comfortable.

The last time before tonight that i went to the club it was actually good, but i went with someone who i’d been dating so it was easier to adapt to the mood, because i had someone i couldn’t let down so i was forced to dance with her until I felt comfortable doing so. But today i went with a guy friend and he’s known me for so long, acting like i was having fun or actually enjoying myself felt embarrassing cuz he was looking and since he knows i’ve never been a party person he wouldn’t leave me alone, not sure if he did i’d have done something or danced with other girls… How do i overcome this feeling?

Every time i go to a party i feel sad afterwards because i feel i wasn’t enjoying it as i should’ve, being sat all the time, not moving a single muscle all the way… It’s like i can’t command my body to dance even if i wanted to, wth is this why does some people have it so easy? Did they practice? Should i?