I 24M bully my father because of how absent he was when I needed help

I will openly admit, I have a deep rooted hate towards my father. I fantasize about beating him up multiple times a week (he’s old and works at the mail office as a mail boy). However, I obviously don’t for legal purposes but I do bully him verbally/behaviour.

I was relentlessly tormented in high school by a guy double my size and he was a boxer. You name it, he’s humiliated me any way possible. He’s had his friends record me being choked on the floor, body slammed me in class, yell racial slurs, sent me to the hospital on one occasion where I almost went blind from how bad he beat me up.

My father came to school and started beef with my principal and it made the situation so much worse than what it was and the abuse continued. My father still looks at me like I’m a baby for being hurt by this to this day. He never takes accountability silly old man.

He doesn’t respect my boundaries neither. I told him to shut the f up on the phone today bc he tried lying about what I said a few weeks ago when I suggested he needed therapy and he said I forced him to go to therapy)I’ve been to therapy and I’m still in therapy bc I’m traumatized from all this abuse from high school.

I need to hurt him more but I don’t know how to without catching a charge.

TDLR – relationship with father gets worse over time mostly due to his neglectful ness and him being delusional