I (23F) have been hooking up with a guy I met on Hinge (25M) on-and-off for almost a year now. There were never any feelings involved – it was strictly just a booty call / hook up situation – and we never discussed potentially becoming more than that.
Despite the fact that we don’t have romantic feelings for each other, I obviously still care for him as a person and have gotten to know him over the last year.
Recently I decided that I wasn’t interested in no-strings-attached hook ups anymore and wanted to be open to real relationship opportunities. I haven’t communicated this to my hookup yet – but the next time he reaches out for a booty call, should I tell him that I’m not interested anymore? I don’t know what I would even say, but ghosting feels wrong. What should I say to him? How do I “break up” with someone I wasn’t even dating in the first place?
TLDR: How do I nicely end things with someone who was just a hook up, not a boyfriend?
5 comments
Don’t wait for his next call. Instead call him at a non-booty call time and let him know that you’re going to focus on finding a serious relationship.
If you care about him enough then it might be worth having a convo about being more than booty call. If you get the sense he doesn’t want a relationship period than just call him during the day (non-booty call hours) and tell him straight up that your not going to respond to his booty calls anymore but think he’s a great guy and you enjoyed your time together. If he’s big on booty calls and you’ve been doing that for a year chances are he has multiple girls he’s doing this with so he may not care as much as you think.
Even if this is only a hook up situation has been happening for long enough to get to know him right? Yeah ghosting shouldn’t be the option unless you are worried of his reaction… Are you?
Just be honest and say you don’t feel like meeting again in the future.
Don’t ghost. Don’t wait until he contacts you, wanting to have a meet-up. Call him now.
“I wanted you to know that I’ve appreciated being connected to you. At the same time, I’ve realized that I would like to have a full-fledged relationship in my life, and I know I need to end the kind of situation we have so I can be fully open to those opportunities. I hope you understand, and again, thank you for our interactions from the past year.”
Edited: Added missing word
If you want the avoidant route… I had a similar situation and started being “busy” when he would text. He disappeared for a couple of months but eventually texted again when I started dating someone seriously, so I told him that I wasn’t available anymore and wished him well. Alls well that ends well.