we are in relationship for 4 months and we were in the middle of the relationship when we spoke out about our boundaries and what’s okay/not okay with us to do it was including to not meet or have any friendly contacts with our exes. Now I found out by screenshots, someone sent to me in the Instagram that they’ve met (I was guessing that it was her exes girlfriend who sent it ) and there is two times she was messaging him only when she needed the ride to somewhere (I’m gonna be honest she does not likes when I’m giving her money because she’s a student and does not have income, sometimes she is struggling to even go somewhere bc of that and constantly trying hide to me that she has no money), like to university or to the home, it does not matter. I will see her in 2 weeks bc I’m out of the country right now on work related trip.
I already asked her when we were speaking by facetime did she met her ex while we are in relationship or not, I clearly let her know that I’m up to something, but she refused and swore that she never did that and she saw him last time year ago. I did not showed the screenshots yet I’m planning to talk with her and work this situation out, even tho if I will be mad and maybe argue with her when that will happen.
She is really sweet and there was some situations when we argued, she is really sensitive and mostly when we argue she is in guilt for a weeks because she messed up something and constantly criticizes herzelf also pushing on herself too hard when she is doing something wrong. And still don’t know if is it true or not what the screenshots say but if it is what do you think will be the best option to do.
I Know most of the suggestions will be to find someone new who is not doing that.
TL;DR: all through I think relationships are about working out the things you’ve messed up, going out and leave someone without trying to work something out is in my opinion easy way out, no one is perfect and we all have our flaws we need to work with.
4 comments
I’m guessing her parents are controlling or hypercritical.
Lying isn’t good, but the point of boundaries isn’t a means to control your partner. Boundaries is the extent to how you’re willing to be treated, so the relationship will end if xyz happens. You won’t accept being treated like this, so therefore the relationship is over as per your boundaries.
Probably when you talk to her she’ll deny those rides. Then when you show the prints she’ll finally admit the rides but she’ll swear to you nothing else happened. And then comes the crying, the vows of love, and the promises of never lying to you “again”.
This promise of never lying to you again is the first lie she’s telling you after making the promise.
You’re dating someone who’s at a very different stage in her life, not just financially, but mentally, socially, and emotionally. Your life is predictable, stable, and foreseeable. Your partner is living day-to-day, like most 21yo college students. Her brain is still developing. She’s not going to live up to your realationship standard and will continue to disappoint you.