Revolutionary ØłX here.
I am in a long term relationship-5 months come Jan. 25th. My gf (18F) and I (18M) have been together for enough time that being physical has become a part of our relationship, yet has been a confusing situation. Without too much info for her sake, there was time where she was getting sick/overworking herself and both of us were being left dry, so to speak. Neither of us have wanted to progress to actual intercourse, and I certainly am not there emotionally. However, since returning back to each other since the winter break in between our first and second semester of this year of college, she brought up last night if I wanted to resume our “activities” (making out, heavy petting and grinding with stages of undress being tops and nothing under any bottoms).
I told her that due to being busy these next coming weeks that I feel the need to wait. She seemed very disappointed and was wondering if I would ever have time for her with being busy. I obviously reassured her but it made me question where her head was at. I made up for it by a small “heated” make out session before leaving, but it left me empty because I still wasn’t ready to go and continue and I could tell that she is.
I feel a bit depressed because I am struggling with body image and mentality issues, and knowing myself and having somewhat of an increased sex-drive since being with her, I know that it’s not too far before we do “the devils tango”. But just because i’m there physically doesn’t mean I am emotionally. I want to better myself physically and be in better shape before continuing but that’s going to take months and I don’t want her to leave just because she got a taste of someone who pleases her sexually and physically and they can’t provide for the time being. Obviously, it won’t be forever but we’ve gone longer without our activities and I was okay. I gave it up for her when she was busy and got sick because she was overworking herself. I’m working hard but I need to in order to be the best person I am for me and her. I don’t know if she sees that and now that I am focusing on me, like she wants me to be able to, it’s making her feel like she’s taking the back seat and that i’m not caring for her needs first.
I am a gentleman and it’s why we took this slower, but I can’t bear it if she changes the relationship dynamic because she’s not satisfied. I want to be doing what we were doing, I’m just doing this for myself first and so it makes it enjoyable for us both.
I just hope it works and any advice on how to talk to her about this and some other small “red flags” that are bothering me would be greatly appreciated.
Before y’all say it I do love her and I don’t want to break up with her or end the relationship. Am I pragmatic and realistic about it and know it won’t be the forever person? Yeah, but I will make it last for whoever long I can.
-Revolutionary ØłX