Strong discomfort with sex

I (25 f) feel really ashamed at how uncomfortable I am with having sex right now. At some point during my current relationship (26 m), my desire just plummeted and I felt really guilty because my partner is a very sexual person. In this relationship and my last relationship, I’ve consciously consented to sex when deep down I really didn’t want to, because I was scared of losing the relationship. And some of this sex was actually pretty painful. But my body will not let me do it anymore, especially as I’m working on healing my attachment in therapy. But every time sex is initiated or I think about sex, I feel preoccupied with the inner chaos (guilt for not wanting to, wishing I wanted to, fear of abandonment, anger at him/defensiveness to protect my body, shame that I’m being dramatic, body memories of painful times in the past) and I just shut down. I really want to want it and I even felt an urge to masturbate for the first time in months when I was traveling alone for a bit and didn’t feel any pressure. My partner is pretty frustrated because sex is really important to him and he keeps asking if I was ever assaulted because I just burst into tears the other day when he touched me. I just feel kinda invalid to be having the reactions when I haven’t been violated in that way, so I’m curious if anyone can relate.

​

TLDR; My body has strongly adverse reactions to sex now, likely due to people-pleasing behaviors and having sex when I didn’t really want to. But I’m having trouble feeling validated in my experience and empowered to take it seriously since I’ve never actually been assaulted.