The “unspoken” Obligation of Sex

QUESTION:

Why isn’t the intentions sex talked about prior to when talking about everything around it?

***Disclaimer: Long story but worth the read***

So (F38) there was a “gentleman” who I’ve known for about 11 years in which we reconnected with on thanksgiving when I went home to visit. We’d shared a passionate kiss —- Feeling on both sides came up again —- and from there we wanted to see about discussing where a potential relationship could go. He’s attractive as well and I care about him.

So the plan was for him to visit me here. PRIOR to that I would ask.. what are the intentions of the trip!! He said, we can discuss that and see where it goes. He was vague but I was very specific that I wanted to take things slow and reconnect to get to know him again. PRIOR to that (he’d send thoughtful gifts to my home). When he gets here we vibe and I let him know where his sleeping quarters are… (WHICH WERE NOT IN MY BED). He chose to sleep on the couch downstairs. Cool… or so I thought… This is where it goes bad…

In the middle of the night around 1am, he comes into my room (meanwhile there is a guest bedroom with a bed, my office with a pullout couch, and my daughter’s bed which I volunteered to sleep in so he could sleep in my bed ALONE). He states that the veggie garden light I have in the kitchen came on and he didn’t know how to turn it off so he’d asked if he could share the bed with me…… smh (annoying).

He gets in the bed and I make it known in so many ways that I’m sleep sleep and also this is not an invitation to try any funny business. So he is restless and moving around and I’m like, “are you good????👀” and he was like yea just can’t sleep… ugh. So through the course of a few hours he was inching closer and I’m like trying to not be confrontational. He wakes me up and is like, “can I hold you while you sleep?” First of all!!!! All of the grown people in the room know if you sleep sleep you not cuddling in the bed!!! You trying to F*@k.

So he gets a boner and nuzzles my neck saying, “you smell good..” I was like that’s it. So I go pee. Come back ask him if he wants water, bring water, and said I’m going to be downstairs doing my homework because I can’t SLEEP! Enjoy the bed by yourself.

I know this is a long story but I’m very offended that I made it very clear to this man MY intentions and he still tried to push the limit and not respect my boundary of dating and giving myself to someone. I’d been VERY clear about that prior to.

So the rest of the weekend he was in a funky-bratty mood. Though he’d apologized numerous times, he did state that I was giving mixed signals because we had held hands and kissed earlier in the day/evening.