So I’m in my early 30s (F) now dating guys in their 30s (early to mid)
Some of them have very nice personalities and cute but either are currently unemployed or earning quite less than me. I want to know what other women think when it comes to this issue (if it’s an issue).
I have a tendency to pick a wrong one so I’m trying to be a bit more cautious this time around…
TIA
39 comments
You want to be honest ? Man for centuries got woman with no income or no value which had no issue. They built family together, this meant one had to work and other helped out. My point is , the person you choose needs to understand this is a long haul and he has to do the house work or family. So picking cones to , same as man with money , get a family guy and you will be happy
I too am early 30s but I am male and I absolutely soundly date a girl who is unemployed because it is how’s a lack of independence. I would date a girl who didn’t earn much as in minimum wage because at least she’s trying.
i married someone who lived with their parents, makes half of what i make and don’t regret it. i chose him for his very calm attitude, nice guy personality, no major addictions (he only smokes like a pack of cigs per week but i used to smoke too).
he’s a really great father and has all the patience in the world. we don’t live in luxury but we do go hiking, enjoy the small pleasures of life and very rarely quarrel.
really depends what you want in life and what their personality is like. i always wanted to be financially independent, no matter how hard it is and don’t regret it one bit.
Earning less than me I wouldn’t worry about.
If someone is currently unemployed but they are actively looking for work and have a history of being employed I wouldn’t worry about.
Someone who has never worked and is not looking for work I would avoid as they are probably looking for someone to live off rather than live with.
I was in residency when I met my husband who worked in state gov. I was obviously going to be making much more than him. He had a steady job, made smart financial decisions, and lived with a roommate. It was no concern. I probably wouldn’t have dated someone unemployed. I would date someone who lived at home bc let’s face it, this economy fcking sucks
I understand you asked for female advice so my two cents may not be of much value. I will say that if he makes less than you but can still support himself comfortably then there probably won’t be an issue. However, if he is unemployed…most good men will wait until their situation is stable before pursuing a woman.
I wouldn’t worry about their employment status or income atm, it’s their ambition that counts. Someone who always strives to do/be better is important, it keeps you motivated yourself and at the end of the day, if a high income and good job is important to you, make sure you have them yourself.
I helped my partner come up and I was blessed to witness his hard work pay off. I knew he was broke when we got together and it didn’t matter at all to me. I was secure enough on my own but his hunger to be successful impressed the heck out of me and I didn’t think twice about dating him.
The problem already is that you’re looking for a checklist to mark off already in finding someone; employed check, higher income check. Peoples job and income status doesn’t define people. Theres tons of shitty partners out there with high income who treat women like shit…Its okay to give that guy a chance who may not make as much as you, because at the same time you’re very much in love and compatible with them whether they make less than you:)
I can answer this question by relating it to my own situation
Me and my partner had met whilst I was still at Uni. He had just graduated. He was living with his parents and unemployed, I was living at a uni house earning money by repairing guitar pedals and amps. He got a job, and soon moved out. I moved back home. Whilst my self employed job was still going on, I worked as a music producer. He works in pensions.
Thanks to an inheritance, he wants to buy a flat. He’s since moved back home with his parents until he can move into his new place – I’m moving in with him too!
Whilst my partner has had a stable income, I haven’t. I’m currently just doing electronics repairs at home – it sometimes brings in the coin and sometimes does not. I am currently living in the family home.
So what’s the take away? Well, it shouldn’t matter, unless of course you’re implying or speculating that there’s a belief that people who sit on their Arse all day, at home in their parents home isn’t worth pursuing? It’s all about their mental mindset.
If you find love in someone who’s respectable and has life goals, ambitions, regardless of their circumstances – go for it!
I totally understand your worries. I have seen quite the couple crumbled because the man wasn’t able to accept that his wife had a bigger income than his. Some would get angry, some would start cheating.
The best thing you can do is try to observe the person you wanna engage with. How does he react when you take the initiative for financial things? You shouldn’t push it down his throat that you are more at ease financially than he is, but sometimes it’s going to show. So try hunting it. Try taking the initiative for money things. If he never seemed phase, then it’s okay he is not complexed by your financial gap and you can go freely with him. But if he seems to hesitate, to complain etc, I guess you better run.
I have seen married couple go down because of this. Because of peer pressure, the man starts feeling complexed, and he start treating the wife like shit, or cheating on her, with women that are financially lower than him, to be able to soothe their complex there.
Don’t let people intimidate you calling you a superficial person. The struggle is real.
It depends if these guys would fit your lifestyle! I earn a higher income in my area so I would only date someone that makes decent money to support themselves. I wouldn’t even consider someone that’s unemployed because they wouldn’t fit into my lifestyle.
I would date a guy with a lower income but I wouldn’t date someone who is unemployed.
I know covid happened, but I would question why he is on market for dating and not on the market investing his full time in finding a job and sorting himself out.
To be perfectly honest, I value equality in a partnership and that includes my partner having a somewhat comparable income (mine is very average).
I know things happen in life and people can lose their job or struggle with being promoted. That’s okay as long as that’s clearly a temporary hurdle and they have the work background and know-how to be able to improve their situation.
We no longer live in times where we need to depend on a man to provide for us, but I also wouldn’t want it to be the other way around where I’d need to be the breadwinner for him from the beginning of the relationship.
If you have requirements in a partner to make you feel comfortable and happy, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Do not apologise for it. After all, you want the relationship to last, and certain things need to line up to be able to have the best possible chance at that. I think there’s a right person for everyone regardless of their preferences.
Dating a broke dude is one thing but don’t go marrying the guy or having his kid, that’s just reckless
Not solicited, but I’m a man in his late 20s and I’d highly recommend avoiding those men in their 30s if they’re unemployed.
As for the other part I’m only making $15.25/hr ($1.05 over minimum in my state), so I shouldn’t comment.
I’m a man near your age who dates women. For me if they don’t have a full time job and a car (only form of reliable transportation around here) I won’t consider them. I fully understand that life can happen and it could be temporary. But I’ve found time and time again that even though they say otherwise it’s not temporary and in fact the norm for their lives. Often the result of always making irresponsible decisions. I’m guessing the ones who it is temporary for are more focused on actually improving their lives than looking for dates.
Depends. I have an above average income, so I don’t expect guys to match that. However, unless you are still studying I’d expect you to have an income that is good enough for you to live on your own at least. It would be a turn off if you didn’t have anything else to do(like study) and you were still working at McDonalds with no motivation to do better than that.
As long as they don’t expect you to support them, I don’t see a problem with it.
As a guy, I would say it is the reason for low income/unemployment more then the fact he is unemployed or earning low that would matter.
In your 30s yeah it’s a horrible idea. There’s no stability in that. If they don’t make enough for a house and car payments, they don’t make enough to be having kids and starting families.
Dudes like to call it gold digging, but it’s really just being practical. Only reason poverty is such an issue in America s because of poor people having kids before they can afford them.
Coming from experience, when I met my (now exwife) she made double what I did but I was still driving to always better myself, and she pushed me and helped to do that. Now 6 years later she makes the same ($60k) and I’m happily divorced making double what she does. It doesn’t necessarily have to do with income, great people get put in bad spots and fight to get out of that. You have to look at his personality as a whole. Does he want better, or is he ok with floating through life.
Where is your income at? I’m not asking your specific salary but just what bracket do you fall under?
In my (34 male) experience, I have always been the person being the main money maker. Some of them ended up total leeches who just wanted to drink and play xbox, the others just didnt want to put effort into life in general. It was always a struggle to get any help with anything.
I am currently dating someone who makes about as much as I do, both have our own homes and responsibilities, and honestly it is really nice. It makes buying something for them so much more worth it because they don’t need me to, they don’t demand me to, so it becomes more about the meaning and true desire to give them something.
With that said, financial situations, age gaps, all of that matters but not. If they cant work, aren’t able to work, just lost a job, are they job hunting? Are they or will they do what they can to help out around the house? Ultimately, how will they help support you? Because at the end of the day as much as we want to be someone’s everything, we aren’t robots or superman and we will get burnt out.
As a guy, short answer. Bad idea
I’ve had the same experience you did. Met some friendly guys but low to no income doesn’t work for me. I wanted someone with a career, not just a job. The ambition level should be about the same so it doesn’t leave the other person out in the cold. These guys either lived with their moms or lived in the sketchiest, hugely unsafe part of town in a run-down little 1 bedroom apartment.
The man I’m with has the same career I do and the pooled resources allow us to live comfortably. He’s got the same qualities but also a career he loves.
If they makes less then that’s ok, but if they are chronically unemployed then it would be an issue.
It’s really a double edged sword if I’m being honest. Some men who are unemployed just need a little help to get back on their feet. Others are actually just too lazy to get off their ass.
There are less of the former and more of the latter.
(I hope I used the term correctly.)
Dating, no issue. Marrying, definitely an issue.
I think as long as you don’t become his main source of income then you’re fine!
as a guy i would recommend not dating someone unemployed unless you know they are looking for a job and can hold one
nothing wrong with putting your needs first, as long as you remain respectful to the person at hand (if they are showing the same respect) because sometimes life can just be fucked up like dat
but you dont owe anyone anything tbh
I spent most of my 20s seeking out/dating men who were significantly more educated (PhDs, MDs, etc.) and had a higher income potential than I did.
This past year, I found myself captivated by a kind, hard-working man with no formal education and a salary roughly a quarter of my own. Things didn’t pan out, sadly, but I learned so much through our brief time in one another’s lives.
These days, I look back on my earlier mindset with a great deal of shame. Curiosity, kindness, and intelligence will always remain important traits I seek in a partner, but gosh, did I judge people on the most superficial criteria.
Not exactly the same situation, but similar. My wife is an engineer. When we started dating, I made more money than her.
With her hard work and effort, she now makes more than the two of us combined when we started dating, and I am leaving my job to try my hand at running a business, and going back to school to finish my degree.
We have had financially lean times, we have had financially plentiful times. I can honestly say that through it all it is our love for each other and the way we got along that has helped us persevere through the lean times. I can never say bad, I have never had a bad day with her, ever. I know what bad is like! haha
Truly the disposition of the person you are dating, your ability to get along, combined with making good financial choices together, is the better thing to consider.
Paychecks come and paychecks go, but you’ll never change someone who doesn’t value you more than they value your income.
Being unemployed but able to express and work towards goals and stable employment? Understandable. Being unemployed and not hustling towards employment? Not for me. Someone who is underemployed for the lifestyle I enjoy would be hard for me to date. I don’t make enough or have a desire to support a partner.
Recently got out of a relationship with someone on almost half my income. Sad to say money became a bit of an issue, as they couldn’t afford to do the things I wanted to do and if I paid for them that was uncomfortable. It also led to me having to “slum it” with our living situations, for example if something broke we would have to wait until they could afford to get it fixed despite me being able to pay for it immediately. I’m not sure if I’d date someone who earns less than me again
First, figure this out and know it about yourself: How important is money *to you*? Consider how you feel about gifts as your love language, and how you feel about traditional gender roles.
If you decide 1-that money is very important to you, (because gifts matter to you and you one day want to be a SAHP, for example) dump the ones that do not bring in what you consider enough. If it is only moderately important, (so gifts matter but not really the cost of the gift, and you see a more financially equal life) 2- look for a moderate income guy who makes close to your income. If your love language is “quality time”, and you are very pro-feminist and egalitarian, as in you can imagine being in a happy marriage where dad is a SAHP, then feel free to 3- date the artist/pothead/drummer of your dreams.
Myself, I am a 2, and am most happy in a relationship where he brings home about what I do, or slightly more. Of course, this presupposes that you earn a decently liveable wage.
My boyfriend was unemployed due to the pandemic when we met. I don’t care at all about income. I have an incredibly busy career and appreciate having someone at home who is less busy than I am.
Depends on how little he earns. If he earns less than me, but is able to support himself(living w roommates is fine, but he should be able to buy groceries for himself, pay his phone/car/electricity etc bills), I’d be fine. If he is planning on me providing for him, then hell no. I used to date an unemployed *I’m a genius with 100 business ideas* guy, who sleeps when you go to work. I’m not planning on anyone giving me money and I don’t plan on giving money to someone either.
Supporting a SO in a tough situation? Sure!
Living off of me? No way. If I have any spare money, I’d rather give it to my older mom than to a grown ass man capable of work.
[deleted]
Yeah employment history would be a better indicator rather than pay or current status. Lots got laid off this year, lots of companies from all sectors cutting with no remorse.