I am 25f boyfriend 32 male. I have been with him since I was 19 he was 26.
We have lived with each other for three years. I work full time pay half the bills so does he.
He won’t help me round the house no matter how much I beg and plead with him. I end up saying nasty things to him out of pure tiredness. I am a full time barber so on my feet all day he works in an office.
I have asked him I have sat down with him having breakdowns about how tired I am. He won’t change and doesn’t see it as a problem.
I finally rang his mother and told her everything and to my surprise she was really apologetic she normal stands up for him on everything.
Would you leave a partner of 6 years over them not helping with the house? No matter how much you ask.
TD:LR
Partner won’t help me round the house at all.
27 comments
If he hasn’t changed by now, he never will. By the time most people hit 30, they are pretty well set in what they are going to be like for the rest of their lives. Get out. Find someone better for yourself. Preferably someone that will treat you as an equal. Not as a housekeeper.
Leave his lazy ass. Also, it isn’t “help”, it’s him not rising up to do his share, because he shares just as much responsability as you.
You’re not leaving over him not helping with the house.
You’re leaving over him being profoundly disrespectful and treating you like a bangmaid.
There’s a reason why he went after a teenager, and now you’re seeing what that reason was.
Yes, I would leave a partner of six years if he didn’t do his share of household chores.
1. Stop worrying about how long the relationship has been, that really doesn’t have any bearing on your decision. What you should really be concerned about is how much time you plan to spend out of the rest of your life cleaning up after this dude. One more year? Five more years? How old do you want to be when you finally get to have a relationship with someone who listens to you and values your contributions?
2. A 32-year-old man who won’t contribute to managing a household is a 36-year-old man who won’t share in parenting responsibilities, is a 50-year-old man who is still ignoring your needs. He is showing you very clearly that he is not going to change, and no amount of love or anger, asking, telling, pleading, or shaming on your part is going to fix that.
3. You are about the age he was when he started dating you. Do you have any interested in dating a teenager? My guess is no, you would feel like that was pretty gross (because it is). He probably was interested in you – likely subconsciously – because he knew teenager you would be more willing to put up with his laziness and lack of contribution than a woman closer to his own age.
Imagine having a kid with him. Now imagine how you will have to do everything for the child and for the house and for the BF. Imagine how exhausting and frustrating that is. Leave now before your tied down. Not worth it
It won’t get better girl..he’s 32. He’s just glad he has someone to take care of those things
He’s not going to change. He’s selfish. If you stay in this relationship you will just get more resentful and it’ll be worse when/if you have kids. There are plenty of great guys out there that would treat you better. Don’t waste another year!
He wants a bang maid and found a younger woman to do it. 6 years gap isn’t usually concerning but it is when one of those people is still a teenager.
It’s not helping when you live together. It’s doing his fair share.
I left my bf of 7 years for the same reason. I felt like I could run a marathon after.
Why have you put up with 6 years of disrespect? Leave. You’ll be much happier without the dead weight.
HELL YES I WOULD !!!! 🎯💯
You deserve better, waaaaaay better than him
He’s not going to change because the current arrangement benefits him too greatly, and he’s had 6 years to learn he doesn’t have to change.
So remove the benefit (you and your unpaid emotional and physical labour). He’ll either learn the lesson, or can find another bang maid, and you can find someone who respects you and values your time and effort.
Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this? If it’s this bad now, imagine how untenable the situation will be if you two have children and he barely contributes to raising them as well. Get out while you’re still young and don’t waste the rest of your life being miserable bc it’s only gonna get worse and the resentment will only become bigger.
Don’t think about it, just do it. 8B people in the world you’re hung up over 1 person over some bs.
Instead of looking at 6 years, how about looking at the rest of your life.
Do you want to be his bang maid, for the rest of your life or not?
Do you want to stay with a man that you have to beg to do half the stuff he’d have to do without you?
Do you want to stay in a situation that is so stressful and tuckers you out so much that you turn into a different person because of the stress and frustration? For another few years? Forever?
Do you want to be back here asking the same question in another 6 years?
Six years is a lot shorter than the rest of your life.
I’ve been married to my husband for 10 years and we have 2 young children. If he woke up one day and decided he was no longer doing housework, I’d be gone within 6 months.
Other than being physically incapable of doing anything, there’s no time when it’s acceptable for your partner to not contribute to the care of your home and daily life.
Guy here. Yes you definitely deserve better. You’re being taken advantage of. Your man has no real respect for women; and I also blame his parents for failing to raise him properly
Imagine how tired you would be if you had a child with him
I would, and I did. He’s not going to change and he obviously doesn’t respect you or he thinks it’s “your job.”
Two and a half years for me instead of 6, but it was a constant battle. We worked and lived together. Almost the exact same pay. Split bills (I own my house but he gave me money to halve mortgage/utilities) but I did basically everything in the house. He would do some things if I asked, but it might take days for it to happen, so I’d end up doing it. Didn’t matter how many times he said “I’m sorry, I’ll work on it,” nothing changed. He definitely never just did something on his own like a normal adult with a home to clean. There were other issues, but I had way more responsibility at work than he did and then came home to doing everything there as well. There was no “coming home to escape the work stress” because it was miserable there too.
He never said it was my job or made it out to be a woman vs. man thing, but he was lazy and he was never going to be a partner I could rely on with this or anything else. So I said goodbye.
Don’t let the years invested be your hangup.
My fiancé 30FM had the same conversation with me 36M. Now it’s not like I didn’t help ever. We split the majority of the things around the house 50/50 (she would probably say 70/30) so let’s say 60/40.
My issue was that I’ve been super adhd my entire life and it wasn’t like I wouldn’t do something because I didn’t want too, or didn’t think I needed too, sometimes I would just completely forget and started working on another task. Not an excuse though. She gave me an ultimatum without much warning that if I don’t start doing more our relationship is over, and I’ve never seen her look more serious than I have in that moment (she says she doesn’t like to nag, which is why she hadn’t spoken up sooner, and she shouldn’t have too) This also wasn’t the first time we discussed this but it was never like this. This scared me to death!!! I knew I had to change, more than just laundry, dishes, and picking up after my self. So this has been going on for three weeks, and I have been doing 100% of the chores and keep the house looking spotless. I also started seeing a counselor. But one thing I realized was that it wasn’t doing 100% of the things around the house that was so difficult, but if I were to continue on like this and she thought that it’s perfectly fine to do nothing, I would be very hurt and upset, not because of the extra cleaning I’d have to do, but the fact that she doesn’t see us as equals. So in retrospect, I think you need to tell him what you’re considering and if he just does the bare minimum for a couple of weeks then leave him. But if TRULY comes to the realization that it’s a partnership and you do these things because you truly love each other, then maybe there’s a chance. Just my 2 cents of a familiar issue, and we are engaged and both work full time.
Look at a 19 year old right now and think “would I want to date them?” The answer is probably no, because they’re a child to you. The only reason a 26 year old dates a 19 year old is so they can have the upper hand in the relationship, and do what he’s doing right now. Jump ship girl, save your 20s
Quit paying half the bills. You pay with the extra labor. See how quickly he changes his attitude.
Tell him he’s buying out his part of the labor
Leave this guy. He’s 32 and can’t help clean up. Just dump him and move on.
Yes, I would absolutely leave. By staying you’d be asking for more of this in limitless amounts, and then compounded incalculably when you have children and he refuses to help with them, too.
Screw that shit and don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy. There are better guys out there and even being single is better.
Yes I would.
Because I am old enough to know that it isn’t going to get better.
Should you have kids you would be on your own with them.
(and he might try to get you pregnant if he thinks you are going to leave, so be careful)
You’re describing the sunken cost fallacy:”the phenomenon whereby a person is reluctant to abandon a strategy or course of action because they have invested heavily in it, even when it is clear that abandonment would be more beneficial.”
You can’t recover the six year but that doesn’t obligate you to continue wasting more of your youth with a turd of a human.
Is there family or friend you can take a break with? You need rest and an emotional reset. If you’re thinking of leaving then you’re ready to pull the trigger. As others have posted, look to the rest of your life, is this what you want?