Can we please talk about how a majority of the men I have talked to (I don’t know if this is a universal issue) I asked them to start degrading me then they call me a couple names and then they go on about how they’re going to fuck me super hard and pound my guts out and whatnot. Like my main goal here was for you to call me down to the dirts, not talk about how you’re going to fuck me harder than ever before. Like dude, I wanna enjoy it too. I don’t want you to feel like you’re dick punching my cervi. I just want you to tell me how worthless I am is that too much to ask?
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Have you tried expressing that to them?
It’s not universal but you need to communicate with your partner(s) what you are wanting and needing. Venting here won’t do you any good.
Communication. Communication. Communication.
Tell them what you just said here. Elaborate. Give them some examples so they get an idea of what you’re looking for. It may feel like handholding to start with, but let’s be real here: few men in the year of our Lord are going to want to go all in with the verbal abuse without the green light. Men can do a lot with a few examples and get creative.
Degradation has levels. It’s very nuanced, and what you mean by degradation is too far for one person and not far enough for another. It’s important to be clear about not just what you want, but how you want it.
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
When it comes to degradation, you really need to be specific and if these are casual hool ups (no judgement) but that makes it more unlikely that you’ll get what you’re after because these conversations usually take time and over several encounters to really perfect it.
You need to be more specific. If you told me that I would have said the same thing as the guy as well at least to some degree.
Be careful what you ask for.
You need to be talking with better men. Where are you finding these beasts???
You’re a fucking loser for posting on reddit you nerd. You probably don’t get laid anyways. Am I doing it right?
Find a new circle of men to talk with. Billions of us out there.
Degradation is a very unique kink in that it’s not based in physical interaction action as much as mental interaction. This means that what is degrading to one person can be too light, too heavy or just right for another. So communication is necessary. A great way to achieve is might be to find some erotic literature that is degradation heavy that turns you on and have them read it.
BDSMlibrary.com, eroticstories.com
Tell them this at least a day before sex, if they have never done this the words don’t just flow out.You could write a list too to get the ball rolling
What makes you think that the majority of men are into the same kink that you are? The fact that you are finding any response is more of an indication just how badly guys want to get laid and will do nearly anything to get it.
I had a girl who told me she liked to get choked. So I grabbed her while we were doing it and choked her with my hands a little. She wanted more so I did more, she was enjoying me physically dominating her obviously, and we eventually got off, had a good time and for the next couple/few months we went out I made a point of choking her while we fucked because that was what she was really into. She was kinda boring otherwise, and we went out separate ways. Once we broke up, I never even once desired to do that again with any of my partners, I’ve been with my wife for 18 years now, not even once. I can only conclude that there are certain things I’ll accommodate if it means getting laid. I suppose if my wife started requiring me to do it, I would after finding out why at this point. But it does nothing for me that I can tell.
I’d guess that most men decent enough to be worth fucking will likely be somewhat confused (and maybe even scared off) by your requests unless they have specific experience with consensual degradation and humiliation play. If anything those guys are going to be wired against those behaviors, so you need to put in the work to clearly articulate what it is that you’re looking for and how they can best deliver it. Don’t expect them to read your mind.