(25M) (26F) My fwb wants me to be his gf, under the condition that i lose weight

28 comments

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2. So… he’s attracted to you enough to both fuck and ***love*** you, but not enough to be in a relationship? I’m sorry, but that doesn’t check out to me.

   I’m worried that it has nothing to do with how he feels about you, but more to do with how he thinks he’ll be seen if he has a girlfriend who is overweight. I really hope I’m wrong, but I just get an icky feeling about this.

3. Did he actually use that phrase, “in it for the pussy”? How did he approach the conversation? Was he considerate, delicate, diplomatic? Or was he careless and blunt? I think it comes down to whether he makes you feel dehumanized and like a sex object, or if you think he is coming from a place of honesty and genuinely wanting to make things work with you because he values you.

   If you want to lose weight, you can certainly do that but ultimately it has to be something you’re doing of your own volition, not for someone else. It’s impossible to change your entire lifestyle (just like with quitting smoking or drinking) unless you have a deep inner desire to do it for yourself.

4. For the Americans, that’s 5’5” and 209 lbs.

   OP, I don’t think this guy is good for you. You’ve fallen for him and he’s telling you his feelings for you are contingent on your physical appearance. It’s potentially soul crushing to give your heart to someone who’s love is conditional on a factor that you may not always have a ton of control over.

   Let’s imagine this plays out: You work your ass off to lose weight and he agrees to date you. Then what? You spend your days and years checking the scale to make sure he’ll still love you tomorrow. What if you want kids and get pregnant? *Sorry, hon, I’m just not attracted to you until you lose the baby weight.* What if you become sick or disabled? And then there’s the normal aging. If he won’t date you when you’re overweight, what’s he going to do when you get saggy and wrinkly?

   You will never feel secure in this relationship. Never. You’ll always be on edge that he’ll leave if you don’t meet his expectations for your appearance. You can do better, OP.

5. Lose weight for yourself, not some asshole. You allow this now, it’ll always be hanging over your head.

6. He’s fucking you (and he loves you) but isn’t sexually attracted to you??? Lol. He can go use his own hand.

7. So this dude likes fat girls, but isn’t ready for the world to know he likes fat girls is what I’m getting from this.

8. Girl, give it a year and you’ll look back and think “wow he actually WASN’T all that supportive, loving and caring” there are people who will love ALL of you no matter what. Do not change yourself for him or for anyone else. If you want to lose weight for yourself then great but don’t you dare think you’re any less than just because this dog vomit boy told you he would “totally date you if only you lost weight!”
   Picture this: you’ve been “happily married” to this guy for 15 years, gave him 3 beautiful kids and he sits you down one day and says “I’d totally stay married to you but the weight and the stretch marks just don’t do it for me!” What then? This guy gives me serious ick and I don’t even know him.

9. So he wasn’t sexually attracted to you but he was fucking you? This dude doesn’t sound like he’s going to be a catch tbh. It’s one thing to have a preference but this seems pretty fucked up to me

10. I want to know about this abusive ex. Are all his exes crazy?

11. Lose the guy. Anyone who doesn’t love and accept you the way you are isn’t worth it. If you choose to lose weight, do it for yourself.

12. Don’t date this guy. It will chip away at your soul and self esteem. There’s a reason why weight watchers doesn’t have a romance section!

13. “He has always treated me well, with much patience, love and respect.”

    Really? Because I’m not seeing it.

14. So I’m going to give a different perspective here. If he is interested in a long term relationship, this may include children.

    Pregnancy while obese can be a different experience from pregnancy with a “normal” weight.

    I’ve seen how children talk to other children with fat parents, it’s ugly.

    In an emergency, can he carry you out of the house if you’re unconscious?

    If you’re in a relationship, you’ll be out of bed alot; are his interests fitness centered like hiking or marathons?
    Can you keep up?

    Do you have a good relationship with food? A FWB would have to stay in his lane, but this could be a real question from a boyfriend.

    Ultimately, it’s up to you. But before you walk away, just have a frank conversation. It’s he asking you to lose weight because he’s a control freak (which will have other controlling issues) , or is he trying to see if your long term goals align with his long term goals.

15. Yikes. Do you want a relationship that begins with him telling you you’re too fat to be his real partner? How do you think he’ll handle it if the weight doesn’t come off quickly? Or you decide to have kids and you struggle to lose the baby weight? Do you really want a relationship that hinges on your weight?

16. This guy sucks. He hasn’t fallen in love you, but with the idea of you turning yourself into a woman he is willing to be seen with publicly because it saves him the trouble of looking for a woman he actually wants to date. Because he is fucking you. He is sexually attracted to you. He does like your personality. But he is an immature douchebag loser who is putting arbitrary beauty standards over being a good person and a good partner. Block him and move on. Once he’s out of your bed and your life, you’ll have the motivation to find someone who deserves you instead of settling for jerks like him. Don’t settle like this. The thing that is missing in your relationship is respect. He doesn’t respect you and if you keep seeing him you don’t respect yourself.

17. You could lose a lot of dead weight by losing him instead.

18. You’re worth more.

19. This is going to sound harsh, but this guy is basically telling you he likes you enough to date, but he doesn’t want to be seen out with you.

    I don’t think I would continue the relationship. However, if you want to lose weight, do it for yourself. I think your overall health and well being will be much better if you decide to go that route. The main thing is you have to want it for yourself.

20. Dump him, lose the weight and date his best friend

21. Ditch this jerk altogether

22. Doesn’t make sense I’m afraid. You’re FWBs so, he’s definitely sexually attracted to you or he wouldn’t be able to perform.
    He says he has legitimate feelings for you too?

    He just doesn’t want to commit it seems. Are you sure you’re not one of many?

23. He’s being using you as a fleshlight and tells you he loves you but he won’t be your bf unless you lose weight…. what?? That’s not love. At all. Why let him treat you that way? You deserve better. You deserve a dude that will be happy to call you his girlfriend, wife. Im guessing your self esteem is tanked because you think this is the best you can get. Its not. Stop wasting your time. Be with someone good or be single.

24. He should change his diet, in that he should eat shit.

25. >Should i lose the weight and be with him?

    You should lose the weight if you want to be healthier and decide then if you still want to be with him.

26. I’d say it would be good to lead a healthier lifestyle. Not for him, but for yourself.

27. You’ve been fucking for a year but he’s not sexually attracted to you. Does that even make sense? He’s embarrassed about what people will think of him.

28. Imagine telling your grandkids one day how wonderful it was that their grandpa made you lose weight before he’d date you.

    Would you want your future children to have someone who wouldn’t accept them due to their weight? You know this is wrong. Don’t do it.