Tl;dr Lot’s of childhood trauma triggered by a very difficult relationship turned me into anxious avoidant. Has anyone fully got past their attachment issues?
I was in a relationship for 8 years, with an amazing guy but we met too young just after I moved to a different country. I needed to build my own life before settling and that’s exactly what I did and have not looked back. I was never anxious in my relationship with him, even if we spend months away from each other I’ve never ever experienced anxiety.
Last year I experienced extremely difficult relationship. It very much looks like he has BPD, anyway it was quite a traumatic experience and I fully lost myself. I became extremely anxious, like it triggered all my childhood trauma. It ended last year, I thought I had learn huge amounts through it and I am sure I have but I have also developed certain level of anxiety I never used to have. I also suddenly struggle with a poor self image and quite a lot of insecurities.
I’ve since met an incredible guy, when I least expected it. I tried to resist the whole situation as I just started to feel great again and didn’t want to risk it going away again. He is also unbelievably good looking and I haven’t rebuilt my confidence in a way that would allow me to understand why he would be interested in me. Anyway fast forward six months we are pretty head over heel over each other. However I still have moments when I start to doubt everything and think he is either into other girls or that he must have suddenly change his mind on me. I can go into such negative thought patterns. Sometimes the trigger is seeing a picture of myself younger feeling ashamed of what I looked like. Think being around my mum can also be somehow triggering, probably for the lack of closeness I feel with her. When we are together we do absolutely amazing and are so happy and in a lot of harmony (although I can still get triggered when girls get all funny around him in front of me). The problem mainly come when I go away. I do a lot of travelling and go home a fair bit (although I wonder why given I always end up feeling anxious). I am struggling to see how I will ever feel relaxed in a relationship again. It’s like at some point no matter how good things are something just turns the switch on and I go to the anxious mode. Once I am in I no longer enjoy what’s around me and spiral in my head. I know he is incredibly serious about me and that we are very lucky to have met each other, I am worried though at some point I’ll end up backing up as a way to not feel thins anxiety.
Has anyone managed to navigate out of this attachment hell hole. How did you do it?