So my boyfriend (27m) and I (24f) went through a dry spell a few month ago where we weren’t really having sex, mostly because I had low libido, I’m not too sure what was causing it but I think I was mentally a bit down and my body just wasn’t craving sex. He was really understanding and never pressured me or anything, but also never communicated to me how much he was struggling with it.
It’s important to note that he has always had a very high sex drive, and has enjoyed porn in the past, but during our relationship we decided to abstain from watching porn because we’ve both struggled with becoming obsessive about it.
After about three weeks of not having sex, my boyfriend told me that he has been struggling with it, and had been using Instagram models in place of porn to help him get off. He told me that he had also been using fantasy as well and one of the fantasies stuck with me- I can’t seem to let it go.
Disclaimer: I asked for these details because I thought for some reason it would help but now I wish I hadn’t. I’ve learned my lesson but in this case a little too late.
So he had been at a restaurant across the street from our apartment having dinner with his friend (who is single) and his friend made a comment about the waitress being hot, and saying that he thought she was into him (my bf). They didn’t have a conversation with her past ordering food and all that, but my boyfriend said the waitress was “bashful” which he thought was cute. He told me that the next day he was in the shower and thought about her while he jerked off.
I want to make it clear that he told me all this because in response to the questions I was asking, and he was trying to be honest and open with me which I appreciate. But I am so surprised by how much this has affected me. It happened about 4 months ago, and I found out 3 months ago. I am still struggling with it, feeling insecure about it and feeling so weird every time I pass the restaurant, which is almost every day! He knows how I feel and he understands, and has been really supportive but I’m wondering if anyone has been in similar situations? If so any advice or insight?
TL;DR- My boyfriend fantasized about the waitress at the restaurant across the street from our apt and now I can’t get it out of my head.
3 comments
Call her up, see if she’s down.
Figure out what it means to you. Is this fear based? Is this shame based? Is this something that is shaking a belief system you have? Does this feel threatening to you? Think deeper, beyond the details or identity of the fantasy.
Is it possible it’s arousing to you?
Just some questions to ask yourself in hopes it helps you process and can leave it behind if you choose.
Please think about why this is bothering you.
most men would never admit to something like this even if 99.9% of males do it.
the fact that he openly communicates and doesn’t hide things means things are much more likely to work out in the long run.