i have been texting everyday + going out with this infj guy for a few months. we’re still getting to know each other so we’re not exclusively dating but we definitely have a foundation of friendship where we can just say how we’re feeling. we both hate our jobs so we would complain about dreading work quite often.
he has his moments of needing pockets of space as he’s an introvert. he tries to maintain daily communication but when he gets very burnt out and exhausted from work, texts will get really dry. i’ll just give him his space, no double texting whatsoever. then he’ll come around in a few days.
he was completely fine during christmas season but when the new year came around it was like a 180 degree switch and i suspect it’s a major burn out that was worse than the previous times. he has long working hours and lots of socialising to do everyday. he needs his alone time to recharge and i understand that.
he told me that it was difficult for him to keep up with daily texting. my last text to him was along the lines of “should i back away?” and i let him know i would respect his boundaries. he left me on read after not opening the message for a few days, so i don’t exactly know what his boundaries are but im just staying in my lane for now because i’m pretty busy with my own matters as well.
i think i have the urge to be there for people i care about (friends, family etc) and when they’re going through a hard time and i’m unable to help or be there for them, i feel horrible. but i can only help as much as they let me and communicate with me.
should i check in with him even though i asked him if i should back away? i’m not sure how soon i should check in as well as i want to give him enough space.
4 comments
I’m a major introvert and the needing space to decompress feeling is very relatable. Your willingness to try to understand his introverted tendencies and respect them is amazing : } Not everyone gets it. He is extremely lucky to have someone that likes him as he is and respects him. If I were you I would send him a text and say something along the lines of I got you no matter what and I understand if you need space and I want you to know that I will do everything in my power to try to understand you and love you for who you are. Or something like that if that makes sense.
He basically told you to leave him alone, so leave him alone. You are crowding him. Wait until he texts. If someone tells you they are sick of you, the correct response is not to bug them more because you care so much.
I have a hard time understanding my darling introvert sometimes. He needs lots of his own time, and I’ve made it my mission to give it to him. He knows I have his back, and because of that he comes back FASTER than if I had pressed him with texts.
If your last text to him was that you respect his boundaries, that’s a good place!
If you do text him, just let him know you have his back and to take all the time he needs. Just that!
He will appreciate you for it, you’ve said what you need, and he knows where you each stand.
Meanwhile, practice restraint and understanding. It’s HARD but you’ll get used to it! If he’s anything like my fella, he’s 100% worth it!
My bf is the same exact way and recently just went through a rough time mentally. Try to give him that space when needed like your doing and let him voice that, he’ll appreciate having you by his side and just taking one day at a time. Something I do is a check in and gauging how he’s feeling. Everything will work out! Feel free to dm me for more advice on this! 🙂