Gonna make this as short as possible because it just hurts to go through everything in my head.
How do I let go of her? We were never in a relationship, she is my best and closest friend. Told her I liked her and she said she sees me as a brother, I was fine with that. Just couldn’t talk to her for like 2 months after, didn’t tell her anything.
Called her last week and told her I had to stay away for a bit, how sorry I was I didn’t tell her anything. It just hurt too much to just even talk to her. I always expected an answer like that but still hurts like hell. Just had to be alone for a bit. Thought it would be a couple days but it turned into a week, then into a month, then 2 months.
Talked for a bit, apologized if I ever hurt her and told her there were never any bad intentions. She said how she was hurt because I didn’t tell her I needed space. She has a point.
I’ve been trying to fix our relationship, trying to get back things to the way they were but from what I can tell she doesn’t seem too intrested. Never texts firsts, dry replies, not even sending random stuff on instagram, literally nothing. I’ve asked her mulitple times if we are okay and she said that we are fine and she isn’t mad at me.
I’ve told her I want to get things back to normal. But I just can’t anymore. I know it’s not like this but it feels like she just doesn’t care anymore. Feels like i’m just holding on and trying my fucking hardest every single day just to fix something. Texted her last night, asked her how she was and what shes doing, chatted for a bit, told her I loved her and she just leaves me on seen…
And the worst part is I just can’t let go. I just can’t. She really meant the world to me, i’m not someone with lots of friends but she truly held a special place in my heart. I’m so emotionally broken I just have no motivation for anything, I’m literally all over the place. Don’t even remember the last time I actually felt happy.
tldr: cant let go, seems like i’m more intrested in fixing what we had than she is
6 comments
You cut all contact with her you CANT be friends with someone if you want more. You tell her thanks, but I don’t need another friend. After that you block delete her for good and move on to somebody else
Just stop reaching out to her – start doing new, going to different places. Start a new hobby / activity. Move on and meet other people.
She may never come around but you don’t have to wait on a hook for her.
Dude. You shot your shot, she doesn’t like you in that way, why did you tell her you loved her? Of course that made her uncomfortable.
You need to fix the *not someone with a lot of friends* part before you’re ready for a relationship. You don’t need a *lot* of friends, but it is unfair to make one other person bear full responsibility for your emotions, be they your best friend, your spouse, your child. You need to work on building connections and having enough friends so you can have mutual support and perspective. If you don’t have any friends you feel like you can lean on, talk to a counselor or therapist. Building connections and relationships is a skill that can be taught and learned.
You have to let her go, what’s the alternative, be a stalker? Don’t contact her again. She’s uncomfortable. Maybe she’ll reach out again or not, but you need to figure out why your life feels so out of control and you feel so unmotivated (depression?). Even if you were in a relationship with her or somebody else it wouldn’t be on them to fix that for you.
Your own self concept and how you view the world and your place in it is where you need to focus – and the time is right now. Look at how dependent and needy you are in this relationship. Neediness is never attractive – regardless of the type of relationship. It’s ok and it’s fairly common, but you need to build more choices, options, activities, hobbies, thoughts — all that are about you and investing in yourself — not in trying to restore this one relationship. She will like and respect you more if she sees you are out there doing other good things with your life. Good luck.
* Keep reminding yourself that this isn’t the end of the world, and that she’s not the only close friend you’ll ever have
* Let her know that you’re stepping back from contacting her so much, because that’s what she seems to want. Tell her you’re sorry that what you did changed the friendship, but that you respect her choice.
* Follow through and stop texting/calling. It’s up to her to reach out at this point. And if she does, just ask for clarity if this means she wants to pick the friendship back up.
* Find something else to focus on. Really dig in to a hobby. Or find some cause you like and volunteer. Or throw yourself into school or work. Do something that will consume your attention.
* Give yourself time. And be kind to yourself. Being human means learning as you live. You’re not a bad person and this wasn’t some unforgiveable sin. You could have handled it better, and now you know what to do differently if this ever comes up again in a friendship.
While it’s understandable you needed space after she told you she didn’t return your feelings, you didn’t tell her that. You just ghosted her. That hurts, and likely made her feel like you never valued the friendship in the first place.
I doubt that you’ll be able to repair the relationship back to what it was. And I think trying to hold onto the shell of it will just hurt you more.