Im using a throwaway bc Ik shes on reddit pretty often and cant risk her seeing that I made this. Also, might be pretty long because I love to overthink, I’ll put a tldr. All names are altered.
I (m23) am in love with my bestfriend, who we’ll call Maria, (f24) and Idk what to do. We’ve known each other for a little over 3 years and were both in seperate relationships when we met. Come early 2020 and Im single, have been ever since. We didnt really become friends until a few months after my break up. It was during peak covid shutdown, and her bf, we’ll call him Gabe(who I’ve known for almost 2 years at this point), at the time invited me to a party to hang out, as I was sheltered in my room due to my broken heart and the pandemic, so I was a visible mess. (Should we have been partying? No but cmon, we couldnt go anywhere, we were bored, etc.)
Gabe and I used to work together, and we still are pretty good friends. At the time Maria lived with Gabe but he worked at night, I worked during the day. Anyways, the first time Maria and I hung out and talked, everyone got pretty drunk and left or went to do their own thing. Gabe went to the er at around midnight bc he felt sick(oh the irony). We ended up just hanging out playing beer pong and talking til like 7am. It was a good first impression, imo. Eventually, it turned into “Hey, Gabes at work and Im bored and want coffee, wanna go?” And of course, me being me, would go. Then it happened almost every day. We just clicked. We’ve always been great friends.
Come the next year, Maria leaves Gabe bc he was an asshole(saw this coming), and of course I had to console BOTH of my friends. Gabe is like whatever, I’ll be fine. Maria on the other hand moves back in with her parents(not too far, but out of the way) and gets a new bf within the next 2 months. They lasted about a year(broke up June 2022) but she came to me for help and ended up leaving him because she wants to “focus more on herself” (her words).
Fast forward to today, Ive moved away from there(still in the same state, again not trying to be super obvious) but we still talk every day. We send each other memes thru ig, snaps throughout the entire day, sharing funny youtube videos, music, everything you can think of. She calls me randomly when shes not at work, and sometimes it makes my day. She always tells me about her day, comes to me for advice and opinions and vice versa. She actually just came to visit me (big city, very tourist oriented) for a few days
I havent been this happy in a very long time. We bought each other gifts, went sight seeing, exploring and stayed out until like 3 am every day, there wasnt a dull moment, at all. Ive been scared of love since my last relationship kinda fucked me up good lol. But again, idk if Im reading shit the wrong way or what but I genuinely cannot imagine losing my bestfriend by making a stupid mistake like expressing my feelings. Im scared of her laughing at me and asking if Im serious. While she was out here she was showing me texts from other people (coworkers, friends), and they were asking so many questions about ME. Like Im not that interesting but okay? I didnt find it THAT weird but still a little. Sometimes I cant sleep because I just imagine fake little scenarios in my head, so I need help making the right choice.
Tldr: I love my best friend(more than a friend) but Im too scared to say anything because Im scared of losing her. Which is understandable but makes me feel bad man.
I wont be replying to any comments here, but Ill be viewing from the sidelines on my main, maybe Ill come back for an update, we’ll see. Thanks in advance to everyone!