Me(F32) and my husband(M29) of two years have differences on what is fun. He likes being home and playing games, he isn’t one for socialising, I in some level is also an introvert, but I like being out and about and trying new stuff, like food activities etc.
Now this caused tension to us from time to time, as he can be impatient and would want to be home as soon as possible. We’ve argued ones before when we went to a countryside that I wanted to go visit, he hated being there and made sure I knew, I was hurt and angry as he already decided that he hated the place before we even arrived to our Airbnb. In the end I had to go tour the countryside myself, and we never talked the entire 3days.
I have told him this before, he can strongly judge a place without a reason. I wanted to go to a country with him for a vacation but then again he said “I am never going to …”. I have done research to this country and I know it’s great country and I wanna share it with him. I told him I was upset about his strong no to going when he didn’t even asked why I like the place, and he got angry and we had argument.
Another thing to note is I can travel on my own go to restaurants and other places myself. But it would have been nice to travel with your partner.
Is this an reconcilable difference? I’m tired of having this kind of argument all the time. I feel like my likes are not being considered, while I tolerate and try the things he like. I just want a partner who is open to new experiences and willing to compromise a little.
I am so confused cause I thought the argument started from such a simple discussion, me trying to say I was upset how he dislike the things I like for no reason. It feels like there’s more to it, and l kinda wanna flip his switch and trigger him bad to hear more of what’s in his mind. As he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.
TL;DR Can you live a lifetime with someone who can’t compromise on experiences and travels you want to go? Is there a point of view where I might be stepping a line? He told me on one of our argument that I couldn’t accept no for an answer and that I should grow up.
3 comments
Yes, I would call this irreconcilable differences. I usually refer to it as life style compatibility – how you generally enjoy living your life. And it is very important in a relationship. Although he doesn’t need a reason to like or dislike something. Nobody should be pressed to justify their preferences. He’s allowed to not like travel or being various places. He doesn’t owe it to anyone to give them a chance or be able to explain why he doesn’t like it. But the fact that he dislikes so much of what you like, and in a way that makes it harder for you to enjoy your life does make him a bad match for you.
Irreconcilable differences is legal terminology for a divorce where no specific person is at fault. It sounds like you two are just incompatible – he is a homebody and you want an adventurous partner. It also sounds like neither of you are willing to compromise on it. If you decided to divorce, it would be for Irreconcilable differences.
If you love him and want to be with him more than your desire to travel with him, yes. Other than that, you two have wildly incompatible life differences and that’s generally a recipe for unhappiness? Neither of you is worng — not you for wanting adventure, not him for not wanting adventure.