My (22F) boyfriend (24M) of almost two years lacks the most basic hygiene. He doesn’t brush his teeth in the morning, doesn’t floss ever, doesn’t clean his tongue, doesn’t use an electric toothbrush, forgets deoderant, uses the same underwear for days straight because he doesn’t have the time to wash them and because he doesn’t own many pairs.
My personal limit is being crossed, because the oral smell and smell of his sweat are quite frankly, disgusting. His apartment smells and the smell is in his clothes as well, especially ones that don’t get washed often, like his jacket. I feel bad for the people he interacts with on his workplace and lectures he attends, because the smell is awful.
I’ve mentioned this countless of times, very gently and sometimes more harshly, because it can be sensitive for anyone. I’ve told him to go have his teeth checked, because they are starting to look neglected. He just doesn’t change anything. He says he is thankful that I tell him, so that he can change for the better, but Nothing. Has. Changed.
How do I even approach this anymore? No, he is not depressed, he just doesn’t care. He hasn’t been very active with keeping a decent hygiene up ever during our relationship, but now that the honeymoon phase is over this is starting to hit me. This kind of bad hygiene is a huge turn off for me, and I’m not sure how much longer I can deal with this. Otherwise we have an amazing relationship with good communication (apart from this, I guess), and both the emotional and physical connection is strong.
Any advise is much appreciated.
4 comments
>I’ve mentioned this countless of times, very gently and sometimes more harshly, because it can be sensitive for anyone
Might be time to leave then, unless you’re willing to put up with this for the rest of your life. You can’t make him change, and talking to him about it countless times hasn’t changed anything…
How did you approach talking to “harshly” talking about this with him? Have you told him how unattractive it is to you?
Have you said you’re not interested in doing sexual things unless he’s actually clean? Not only is dirty dicks gross, but I doubt it’s healthy for one to be inside any part of your body, especially something as sensitive as your vagina.
Is he having mental health issues? Therapy is a good idea if that’s the reason he’s neglecting himself. It’s a classic symptom of depression.
At this point, if you do all of that and he still doesn’t change, I think an ultimatum is fair. You’re not asking that much of him.
>He hasn’t been very active with keeping a decent hygiene up ever during our relationship
He doesn’t care on his own account and since he gets to have a girlfriend even though his personal habits are appalling, he has no reason to care. Sorry, but you have reinforced his belief that this is acceptable.
Stop sleeping with him . Don’t hang out at his place.
Make it clear that you cannot deal with his filth anymore and that if your comfort and your attraction to him matter at all, he’ll clean up his act.
If it hasn’t already, his poor hygiene will eventually affect your health. Him being unclean puts you at risk for yeast infections, urinary tract infections, bacterial infections, sinus infections and increased acne.
After you two break up, when you are ready to start dating again, pay attention to how the men you meet take care of themselves and don’t commit to anyone who cannot be bothered with even the most rudimentary of personal hygiene.
Pull the rip cord and bail.