I don’t have a car and no license either, I’ve been stuck at home since early last year and my only social interaction was with doctors and my mother whom I live with.
Recently I bought a scooter so I could maybe ride into town to do some things my small town has to offer, including going back to church (which Ive been dreaming to do) and getting a haircut for the first time in a while.
The problem is the social interaction of both.
Prior to becoming homebound, I was still practically a child; my mother brought me in to all my doctors appointments and spoke on my behalf, if we went somewhere new she’d tag along with me and speak on my behalf, make phone calls for me, etc. During the homebound time I shifted radically and wanted to cut her out of my personal business so that’s what I did. But now I’m reentering the real world and now have to do all these things I used to lean on her for.
For instance if I had her take me to the hair salon, she’d go and she would be the one to talk to the stylist, and I could sit there peacefully being left alone. If she went to church with me she’d call the priest to set up a confession time for me or if someone recognized us in the pew they’d approach her not me. She was my shield from all the pesky social interaction I would’ve otherwise had to deal with.
Now I have no shield. I am NOT going to ask her to do any of these things again, I want to be independent from her I am almost twenty one and I’m tired of needing her. I want to do these things on my own.
My issue is I go blank and then babble like an idiot or act super stupid when I’m caught alone in these situations.
In school I was the kid who sat in the back corner, had no friends, sat alone at lunch etc.. I have no friends to help me on this.
For the hair salon the lady is gonna wanna small talk to me, and the priest is wants to talk about my history (which I’m fine sharing it’s just that I freeze in social situations), and I’m terrified of both. All of my communication experience for this past year and most of my life is through text and talking to people in the flesh just leaves me clueless.
Got any advice?
2 comments
Something that helped me get out of my shell was to get a retail job. I worked at a bubble tea store. It forced me to interact with people through making sales and drinks for them, and then eventually make small talk with the regulars. And of course, you’ll get to know your workmates. It really helped with my shyness and social anxiety. Bonus is you also get money. It’s a win win.
Social interaction and communication is a skill. It needs to be practiced and learnt from each time. But start off slow. Try to go somewhere or do something where you interact every day or at least most days. Try plan the excursion and plan what you will say. Keep it short and sweet. That way you won’t ramble and get tongue tied.
Even just going to a grocery store, ask an assistant ‘Where is the milk/sugar/crisps etc?’ . A simple short sentence. These people are there to help, that is their job. Or go to a coffee shop, and order a coffee. These interactions may not be needed but they building ease of use and confidence for when you do need them.
When the simple sentences/questions become more normalised and easy, you can try move onto conversations with people. And don’t over think it, especially if you feel embarrassed or re-playing things that feel like they went wrong. Everyone sticks their foot into now and again.
Go get your hair cut, you will feel better for it. If you don’t want to deal with small talk from a chatty hairdresser, just say you want some quiet time , or feeling super tired from an exhausting day and need to chill, if it’s polite and friendly they won’t mind. Most people hate small talk with hairdressers.
Can you go to your appointments on your own? Arrange transport to get there? Ring up make the appointment yourself. If you can, don’t invite your mother along. And if she needs to be there, have a quiet word with her before hand, tell her you want to do the main talking, and want to try handle it yourself. I’m sure she would very proud of you and delighted. If you get stuck on something, then ask her help or involvement then. Dis-entangling from an over-involved parenting style may take a while, but as she sees your capabilities grow then she won’t need to insert herself so much.