When my bf(20) and I (20) have sex it consists mostly of PIV, not much foreplay, he doesn’t like giving oral and unsurprisingly I don’t reach orgasm. After exploring myself sexually I realize that toys help so much and I told him I want to start using them together, preferably every time. He says he doesn’t mind.
So the other night we were having sex, it was amazing but I wanted to cum this time. I asked him for a toy, he brought a vibrating ring but as it kept going I realize I wanted a regular vibrator. At that point he had already orgasmed so when I came back with the vibrator he just sat and watched a tv show while I finished myself off. It’s not the first time this happened but I’m starting to realize how lonely it feels after. Like he just won’t engage with me in any way and doesn’t acknowledge my moans until I’m finished to come back and cuddle. Am I being unreasonable to want my boyfriend to care about my orgasms? Isn’t it natural for your partner to be attracted to seeing you masturbate and want to help you reach that point because he seems so disinterested after he already orgasmed
I want to talk to him about it but I’m not sure how to phrase it. I want to express how I feel without being accusatory
41 comments
>Am I being unreasonable to want my boyfriend to care about my orgasms?
It is *not* unreasonable.
Tell him how his behavior makes you feel. You need to communicate. If nothing changes then you might have to re-evaluate this relationship.
Sex is a team sport, you both have to work in order to make the best of it. You’re not being unreasonable he should learn that you also deserve to climax.
I’ve learned this and when we have the time I go down untill she’s close to cumming and then we switch to PIV. And even after that we use toys to reach the bottom of the well. You can tell him that when you’re having great sex you’ll probably want more. (If that’s the case for you)
You’re not unreasonable at all. Try telling him how lonely it feels and you want to experience your connection to him. Then get very specific with some things he could do to help you experience that connection. “I think I’d like you to snuggle with me at the time and please talk to me, maybe telling me about your orgasm or just reliving the sex we were just having.” Something he can imagine and accomplish.
He might be having some feelings around this mismatch, feelings of inadequacy. So be ready to listen and give reassurance.
You’re not being unreasonable at all. Sex is a mutual experience, you should both be enjoying it. What’s his issue with giving you oral, or even doing anything at all for your pleasure? He sounds incredibly selfish and like he’s just using you to get his own and it’s totally unacceptable.
I don’t think there’s a way to express this without being accusatory because you’re absolutely accusing him of something he absolutely is doing; being selfish and not making any effort for you and showing no interest in your sexual pleasure. It’s pathetic.
He seems very selfish based on your post. How long have you all been together? Sounds like there needs to be good deep communication between both of you to insure you are compatible with each other and share some common ground. I would recommend you do this immediately before anything else moves forward in the relationship especially sex.
Could I get a PIV definition.
There is a cool down period after an ejaculation I forget the technical name but it’s 15 minutes where we can fall asleep unless fellas we try not to. Being disinterested after either one gets off is bad for the other side of the relationship. It’s a ruined nut type of thing and unfulfilled desires as well as health benefits from getting vigorous and achieving it help both men and women. A stunted orgasm for either is a not good feeling that shouldn’t go on and on.
He is very selfish…. Need to talk more deeply..
Is there a search function on this sub?
Your bf is a terrible lover. It might be his age. Right now he’s just using you to jack himself off. You need to let him know that your needs are not being met and you want more from your sex life. If he doesn’t try harder to satisfy you then it might be time to break up. It would be better to do it now before you become so frustrated with him that you cheat for a better experience. Trust me there are good guys that like relationships that include satisfying sex for both partners.
As someone said here, yes, re-evaluate this relationship. If he doesn’t care now about your needs/orgasms/pleasure he may not change this behaviour in the future. Don’t be foolish like me, I was in the same situation with my ex. Take attitudine, talk with him and if nothing changes… you deserve better.
What’s with these guys who don’t like going down on girls? To me, this is inconceivable.
You’re not being unreasonable at all. Sex is about that connection. If you just wanted to cum with a vibrator, you could do that without a partner. It’s one of the reasons why I don’t enjoy casual sex very much. It’s not about getting off, it’s about that intimate connection.
To me, I absolutely love making my partner cum during sex, and think I prefer it to getting off myself. It’s one of the reasons I love going down on a woman. If your boyfriend doesn’t feel the same way, you need to have a serious conversation about how you’re not satisfied with your sex life, not the frequency but the quality. Make sure he understands that it’s not about PIV but about foreplay and that while you enjoy PIV, you would like more before that or that you’d like him to watch you masturbate until you finish. The only way to fix this is communication. If you don’t bring it up or if he’s not willing to listen and engage with you that way, things aren’t going to get better.
Read [this book](https://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538260) together with your boyfriend. Discuss.
It matters not that he’s not meeting your needs at the moment. What matters is whether he is interested / motivated to learn and grow together.
Good luck! 🍀
It’s simple math subtract 1 boyfriend add 4 casual prospects Divide them by attraction and how they fuck. Add back and divide as needed till dick daddy makes your guts quiver . = Happy girl and Happy pussy. Life’s hard enough without being fucked any way less than you’d daydream about the next day .
You guys are young and inexperienced. Guys that age only care about themselves and getting their nut
He’s being avoidant because he is insecure. And he can’t satisfy you so as long as he gets off he can keep doing what he’s doing until you wise up and drop him.
Absolutely not. He sure absolutely make sure you cum before he does. If that can’t happen then he helps you after he does. You should never be left unsatisfied after. He is obviously very selfish in bed
Tell him to learn forplay and eating pussy. I learned when I was young if you do it right you get to do it again. Sex isn’t just for him
You need to find a way to make him see how this is really important, not just for you, but the relationship.
I spend almost 3 years with a boyfriend without having a single orgasm. At the end, it ruined the relationship and my desire to have sex.
wtf? How doe guys get like this? Do women just put up with guys who don’t care about them??
He sounds bad at having sex. Half of the fun is making my wife finish, and if she finished before I am close then she will have to finish twice. Time to do some soul searching
you could try buying him this book – https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060538260
the first half is very much talking to people like your boyfriend (i couldn’t understand why it was needed, but i guess if people like your bf exist then that explains it) and explains a lot of basic stuff about oral sex and caring for your partner.
(the second half is much more detailed and explicit about how to actually do the deed – i’d recommend it to most people)
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You really gotta nip this problem early on.
I’m sorry but you deserve better… I crawl in to bed with a woman having a 2:1 goal, she gets 2 orgasms before I get my 1. Occasionally I do shit I don’t like too… because she ask and wants it, compromise for things I ask for in bed is the way I see it.
If you aren’t talking to each other during sex, Occasionally laughing or making a cute little joke about the sex, talking to each other as you climax or if your having trouble, having a partner willing to go the extra to make sure you enjoy it to… then it ain’t worth it, I genuinely feel sex should be fun and care free. Seek better.
Yea that’s not normal. It’s hard for me to finish if I’m not sure the girl came. If you fake it tho, I’m more offended than being honest and telling me it’s not gonna happen, as I can usually tell the difference. Unless you say it’s not gonna happen, I’m down for whatever it takes to get you there. Most of us are like this I think, but a lot are too shy or embarrassed they don’t know what you need
The OP is just very strange. So, she has to pull out a vibrator, and is audibly moaning while using it on herself, and he’s just sitting there watching TV? As a guy, I’m not sure such a person existed. Selfish is not even the right word here.
That would get me all horned up again and I’d be right there helping
It’s literally his job to make sure you orgasm, seriously I know some women find it difficult or just can’t for many reasons but if you can orgasm then it’s his mission to make sure he makes it happen. You man seems a little afraid of hard work he either needs to man up or give the job to someone who is capable.
Get a mandingo dildo. Make sure he knows you own it and play as if you are indifferent to each thrust… fk Yamn if you have too … if you own a smart watch , look at it and make some ridiculous comment like ” wow my hearbeat hasnt budged, hmm odd”
If unspoken words are not understood by him and you reciprocate and he asks you or confronts you.. then clearly he cares about your needs.
Otherwise there’s one and one thing only that he values in the relationship and it aint your heart. if thats the case, dont return the unused mandingo…. practice and get yourself a Dande from burkina faso
Let them know right away before you start the conversation and look it’s not that you’re doing anything wrong we’re both new at this and we’re learning each other
Also, don’t let him in there until you’ve come. That’ll keep his interest.
It looks like many standard men, thsat worries about only his orgasm. Or even worse, many men even knows that women can orgasm, have fun with sex and want sex!
Stupid young boys need to get taught about the importance of aftercare. Sex-ed is lacking.
Girl, tell him about your needs, if he doesnt want to, move on. Life is too short to waste with immature boys.
If you don’t cum multiple times before he does then he is failing you as a lover. Sorry.
Among other things, a man’s job is to help a woman orgasm, hopefully multiple times
if you end up marrying that person, that’s the sex you’ll have for the rest of your life.
It’s totally okay to say, my needs aren’t fulfilled and if you’ve tried talking to them and all other avenues possible of improving that part of your life then it’s okay to move on.
Need a new bf who cares about your needs
I would just approach it directly. Speak your mind. Tell him how you feel and what you need from him. If he is still unwilling to help then you are just not compatible. Your relationship wont survive it if there is no compromise.
It’s super hot to see my partner with a toy! Even if I am finished I will help her. I’ll either use the toy on her, use a second toy on her, or just kiss her and have my hands run all over her body to help her cum. Your bf seems selfish or he needs to know what you want.