Hey all, I’m getting back into dating after a decade and I’ve been digging through a lot of stuff to try to get myself up to speed into the new dating world.

So I see now that there are a lot of different things and women seem to have reclaimed a lot of their sexuality and are more bold with their desires and requirements, which is great, don’t get me wrong, I think it’s fantastic that women are more sexually liberated now.

But there is this one thing which I find is rarely discussed, if ever, in pretty much any material I find here on reddit or online, which is this: women want safe sex, but are they aware that it for sure means that they won’t receive oral? I’m worried about it, because I know how hard it is for women to orgasm from PIV alone, or at least for the majority of them.

I’m asking because I see all these stories of women blasting men for not being up to their sex standards for not going down on them, but it feels kinda hypocrital that they would assume that is on the table if they “also” want to have safe sex? I definitely don’t mind going down on women, but it would most certainly not be “safe sex” for either party.

Guess what I want to ask is are they aware of this? Is modern hooking up just PIV sex with condoms? Am I missing something?

Thanks in advance for any inputs

8 comments

  2. Dental dams are a thing.

    >I’m worried about it, because I know how hard it is for women to orgasm from PIV alone, or at least for the majority of them.

    And oral isn’t the only way to bring a woman to orgasm.

  3. Aaaactually oral is safe, you just need to use a dental dam. Most of my friends who have frequent casual sex seem to do a range of sexual activities that include oral, mutual masterbation, toys, fingerings, and penetration. Or just get with someone for a few months and both get tested together before going bare during PIV, anal, and/or oral. I think the call for more oral is just one part of the conversation about prioritizing women’s pleasure. Beyond oral, and destigmatizing it as something “gross,” I’ve seen an emphasis on making sure that the clit is properly stimulate, ie. Not rubbed hardly or ignored, and the idea that foreplay is essential.

  4. Dental dam my dude. Even regular condoms can be turned into a dam with a few seconds work and some scissors. Also there’s other ways to orgasm without oral or PiV.

    Some women may not expect to give or receive oral on a one night stand basis either.

  5. So people are mentioning dental dams but truth of the matter is they are not that commonly used. Ive seen the statistic of about 10% women use them but I think this may be based.on one study.

    You won’t find them in the drug store as easily as condoms (though you can cut up condoms to use as dental dam).

    And I’ve occasionally seen posts here where women get offended when a partner suggests one.

    So yes you are likely to find people don’t use condom/dental dam for oral.so it’s a conversation you want to have to make sure everyone’s on the same page.

    In my observation, many people will insist on condoms for penetrative sex but are fine without barriers for oral.

  6. STi tests are quick, usually free or very cheap, and put you both on the same page at the beginning.

    Definitely worth it if you’re not looking to use a dental dam (or condom).

  7. This is causing a lot of pain. Some of the women I’ve matched with recently insist on not getting tested, but I’m too anxious to risk unprotected oral. It’s my favorite part of the experience and I cannot lock play partners down for it.

    But to answer your question, my experience has been they understand it’s not safe, but want it anyways. Best way around this is to go to a hookup app and find a FWB that’s willing to get tested. Wear the condom anyways for pregnancy prevention, but you’ll get reasonably safe sex.

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