Hi all, first time posting, not sure if this is the best sub but it might
So yesterday my (22F) boyfriend (25M) of 4 years (living together for 2.5) said he wanted to brake up with me because he just didn’t feel the same about me. When I asked how long he had been feeling this way he said that it was for the past 2-3 months. I wanted to understand why he felt that way and why he never said anything before and he said he didn’t know how to have that conversation, even yesterday we only talked because I asked what was wrong because he was VERY quiet.
He explained that he felt we had more of a friendship than a bf/gf relationship and that he didn’t think that would ever change. I thought we were ok as he had never mentioned anything. He had been more quiet since a little before Christmas but around that time he also had a lot more work than usual so I just assumed he was tired. I figure we fell into a bit of a routine with the relationship, we both work from home and we would focus on the work during the day and have lunch and dinner together and then we would cuddle up at night watching TV or playing some game or something. On the weekends we did go out/to friends houses or stuff like that (even though sometimes I stayed home because I am an introvert and sometimes need a day without people, but he never mentioned having a problem with that). In the past couple of weeks I have been really stressed with work and apparently I have been mean to him when he doesn’t help me with things around the house and stuff like that, which I never meant to be mean and this has happened in the past and I asked him to tell me because sometimes I don’t notice if I talk back at him a lot, but he never said anything.
So my question/problem is: I like the routine. Is a relationship supposed to be adventure all the time? Isn’t it supposed to sometimes fall in a little routine? Or are we just too different and it’s nobody’s fault?
Also sorry if my English is not the best, it’s not my first language.
1 comment
Life generally requires some routine, so it’s both for me. You have to be good with the balance of fun and normality. We always have an adventure or two planned as I think it helps to know that there’s something other than perpetual responsibility in the future and try to have a couple of nights out here and there to break things up, then get on with the boring job of being a responsible adult.
Reading your post, it sounds like you’re effectively together 24/7? I think that would be a killer for me too tbh, it’s nice to have a person, it’s good to be able to split responsibilities and help each other out too.. but it’s also really important to have some time to be yourself.. did/does that exist?