I [22M] have been dating my gf [25F] for a little over a year now and we have sex fairly often (3 times a month). Though, I do feel a bit unsatisfied with our sexual relationship and it’s making me feel a little frustrated. The problem is that I feel as if I have no right to bring this up to her. The reasons are fairly simple: I just graduated college and have no job, I am not in peak physical condition, I live at home, and I don’t dress well. Basically I feel extremely unattractive to the point where I am baffled she is even attracted to me enough to want to have sex at all. I feel like I have no leg to stand on to discuss sexual dissatisfaction with her, I just think “what right do I have?” I am incredibly lucky to even have a girlfriend in this state at all.
I am working on getting a job and I have started working out so those things hopefully won’t be that way for too long. But in the mean time, am I correct that I have no right to tell her I feel sexually dissatisfied?
8 comments
Of course you can tell her. Don’t worry about what the man haters in this sub say.
Here’s the thing: you owe it to yourself to discuss these issues with her. And here is one of the many reasons why:
One day in the not-too-distant future, you will have that job, and you’ll get your confidence back, and then you will start to resent your GF “for what she did to you” while you were down and out.
When in fact, it’s your lack of confidence that is causing you to do it to yourself.
So, talk to her. Clear the air. Tell her exactly what you are telling us.
If she’s worth it, she’ll understand. And if she doesn’t, well that’s also something you should know too.
Whatever you are reading/watching/listening to that tells you that you are worthless if you don’t dress well/have money/aren’t in peak physical condition? You need to throw that junk in the garbage.
Most people aren’t 10/10 in everything. And yet still they all deserve respect and consideration.
Don’t put her up on a pedestal. It’s lonely up there.Tell her how you feel. As long as you know you are doing your best to be a good partner, that is all you need to do. And if you aren’t doing your best, then… do it! As long as you’re trying, I’m sure she appreciates it.
Side note — you don’t need a ton of money to dress well. Just get yourself some clothes in decent condition that fit you. Thrift shops and a little tailoring can be your friends here. Keep your clothes clean and hang them so they don’t wrinkle and you’re well on your way to looking better than most people.
Look up YouTube videos on how to do quick hems and let out seams. It is easier and cheaper than you think, and it’s a cool skill to have. A man who can repair his own clothes is sexy af.
So what are the things you’d like her to change? Do you have reasonable or unreasonable requests to make?
You’re focusing too hard on “*am
I a good enough person to make requests?*” When the real question you should be asking is *”is what I’m asking a fair thing to ask of someone?”*
So, here I am, a woman. I am a nice lady who is reasonably attractive. I’m going to be just as unimpressed by you as you expect she is. Give me the list of things you want. And I’ll tell you whether you should ask them.
On the contrary: I think it would help you feel good again.
Self esteem issues aside, just talk to your girlfriend about how you can BOTH imporove your sex life together. Avoid blaming her or telling her “you should do X,Y, and Z.”
Its you and her vs the problem, not you vs her.
I don’t care how fat, plain, stupid, or any other physical trait someone has…they’re human. And as humans we all have the right to voice our desires – *especially* to the people who profess to love us. If we can’t talk honestly to the people who are licking our teeth, then who the hell else can we trust with our wants and desires?
Do you think you need to earn sex? She is with you. I dont know why. You dont either. But she does.
Do you want more sex? I would. 3 times a month it not often at all. Are you going to wait until you “deserve” sex before you let her know you want more?
Might as well find out it you are compatible now.