Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 10 months now. Our sex life started around 5 months into the relationship and, at first, it basically consisted of me eating her out, then she would give me a bj and we just cuddled for a while afterwards. That was all we did for 2 months, the foreplay was always very similar as well as we were afraid to experiment new things (may be important to note that we were both virgins when we met each other). Things started to become boring at some point so we finally built up the courage to try PIV sex. I bought some condoms and one day it finally happened… It was not a very pleasant experience. I stopped multiple times in the middle because she was clearly in pain but she insisted that I continued. I eventually came and afterwards she revealed that my penis felt like “a thousand knifes stabbing her” and she was worried that she might have a problem. At night she messaged me saying that she talked with a friend of her and apparently she told her that it’s normal to hurt the first time so it was ok. We’ve done it in 3 other occasions since: it hurt her every single time.
I googled it and apparently it may be because she isn’t excited enough so last time I tried my best to get her in the mood, talk dirty with her, gave her head, etc and when she was finally ready I tried to insert it but it didn’t last very long because it was hurting a lot, she even bled this time. I told her about what I found online but she said it doesn’t make sense since she was very excited this time and it still hurt alot.
I don’t understand, what am I doing wrong? I know that we are still new to this but I’d hoped that things would gradually improve, not worsen. I’ve also never been able to make her orgasm which is something I really wanted to do since she has never been able to even give one to herself. I’ve given her head multiple times for long periods of time (usually 30 mins to 1 hour) and tried my best to innovate, search online for techniques I could use, use her feedback (although it’s hard since she always tells me that she’s not sure what it was that I did that felt better) but I can probably count with one hand the times when it looked like she was even remotely close to orgasm before relaxing her body again and It’s very frustrating since I feel like I’m enjoying more giving than she is receiving
I feel like our foreplay could use some advice too, we usually just kiss while undressing each other and talk dirty.
TLDR; I need help on how to improve sex with my girlfriend in general and make sure that she stops getting hurt during PIV
3 comments
Sometimes PIV sex is painful for women, regardless of foreplay. This could be a medical condition. I’m no expert(she should talk to a doctor) but endometriosis or vaginismus can be causes. Of course communication and your partner having an understanding of what she enjoys sexually can also help improve pleasure.
It’s entirely possible she’s plenty excited but her body isn’t great at lubricating itself, there’s a number of medications than can cause this and sometimes bodies just don’t do certain things so she may just be unlucky with that
The pain combined with the literal bleeding make it pretty clear there’s friction from her vagina not being sufficiently lubricated, which could mean a lack of arousal, but if she wants to keep trying and she said she’s plenty aroused, I don’t see any reason you shouldn’t believe her. It sounds like either due to medication (maybe) or just an unfortunate quirk of her anatomy, she just doesn’t get wet enough. It’s not that rare to have this problem
So use lube, lube is almost certainly your answer. DO NOT USE OIL BASED LUBE, since oil based lubricant kind of dissolves condoms and makes them break easier, but water based lubricants or silicone based lubricants will be fine, and those are more common I’ve found anyways. I quickly looked up a list of lubes that are safe for use here and aren’t likely to irritate her skin. Water based lubes tend to need to be reapplied more frequently, they dry up faster than silicone based lubes, but they each feel a bit different, it may be worth trying each to see what works better!
[Some Lube Suggestions](https://www.allure.com/gallery/best-personal-lubricants/amp)
It’s clear her body needs some help with the lubrication and there’s plenty of reasons other than just not being turned on that can cause that, especially if she’s continually expressing interest in trying more and telling you she’s plenty turned on
Research vulvodynia and vestibulitis. It could explain a lot. And there are some treatments you can try.