I’m exhausted. Physically and mentally. For 6 years I’ve been having the same discussions and arguments with my husband (both mid 30’s). Whenever we discuss issues, he will get better for a short period, then just fall back into his old ways. For example, this weekend he played videos games for 3 days straight, stayed up late each night, and slept in each day. We’ve been watching my nephew (kinship placement), and I’ve been the one having to get up to make breakfast, lunch, and dinner, take care of the 3 dogs, and still do all housekeeping work. We both work full time in the same industry, but even though I have a master’s and more years of experience, his salary has doubled since he started working.
We have a wedding to attend soon and due to state laws, my nephew cannot fly to the state with us. I was discussing this with my husband and he said “well you can just stay home with him and I’ll fly to the wedding.”. I was livid. If I don’t specifically ask my husband to do a specific task around the house (take out the trash, wash dishes, so on), he won’t do it.
We’ve talked about this repeatedly in depth and I tell him how unappreciated I feel all the time. He just does not get it.
Don’t say “just leave him” because due to the financials, I’m not sure I could make ends meet being a single mom to my nephew and paying all the bills. My husband’s income definitely helps. Before you say “well he’s contributing more financially”, no. We are contributing equally. What does he do with the rest of his money? Spends it on video games, PC parts, gambling weekends at casinos with friends. I don’t get to go out with my friends because I always have to stay home and watch my nephew.
Also, I really do love my husband. A whole lot. The idea of leaving and starting over new just feels depressing in itself.
I’m not sure the purpose of this post. I just feel like I’m screaming into the void.
3 comments
This is a rough one. From what I read it seems he lacks understanding and appreciation. It also seems like he doesn’t really want to do things for your nephew. Like it’s your responsibility, not his.
I’m a sahd and homeschool teacher so I understand all too well how exhausting it is, add work and feeling unappreciated that’s torture.
He needs to step up and be a partner, do things around the house regularly to give you a break. Have you tried counseling? Or just put your foot down and say it’s enough, make it known just how unhappy you are due to his lack of respect for you?
You have 3 choices.
1) live with it
2) fix it (you’ve tried not doing the chores, communicating to him about it, offering counseling and he’s refused)
3) leave
So you’re stuck with 2 choices now. 1 and 3. You’re in your mid 30s, which means you have a lot of life ahead of you likely. Is this how you want to spend those years? Your husband has shown you who he is and that he’s unwilling to change.
>the idea of leaving and starting over new just feels depressing in itself.
You also know what sounds depressing? Staying in a place unfulfilled and unheard just for the sake of not “starting new”.
Wow. Your husband sounds like my ex-husband. And the best thing I ever did was leave.
And I totally understand the fear.. I was a single mom with three kids…but hands down best decision I have ever made in my life.
Gather your support team and make it happen.