So I (23 F) have recently met a guy (28 M) at work and I think I am starting to like him. I think I am getting the same vibe from him too, he is constantly teasing me and we have a great chemistry. Today while we were hanging out during lunch I asked him about his weekend. As I said we just met so we are not close or anything we don’t discuss about our lives in detail etc. So I asked about his weekend and he told me that he went out with his girlfriend (I didn’t know he was in a relationship) and then without me saying anything he immediately started telling me that they are ending it now and that they both want that, that it came to an end with no hard feelings from either of them and then we continued as per usual with the teasing etc.
I think he is being flirty and he is definitely really sweet towards me, always trying to put a smile on my face and remembering details from our conversations.
Is it in my head? Or did he really mention the whole thing about him breaking up soon to show that he is going to be available in the near future?
Am I reading too much into it??
TL;DR: He is being really flirty and teasing me a lot and he started rumbling about him breaking up soon without me asking
32 comments
Don’t get hooked on his promises. I think he’s trying to convince you to get on with him, but I doubt he’s gonna leave his gf… Something’s fishy about this, I have a gut feeling. No one announces about a future break up to a coworker just because… Stay alert!
Is there any way you can talk to his girlfriend about this? I’d imagine she’ll be quite surprised to learn that she’s about to get dumped.
Even if he does immediately break up, pursuing him is a bad idea for many reasons.
First, if he does have a breakup, he’s going to need time to heal whether he wants it or not. It’s unhealthy to jump straight into a new relationship, and it makes things a lot more difficult.
Second, he’s a coworker. The crude but accurate statement is don’t shit where you eat. Don’t risk a job over a crush.
When you asked what he did last weekend, he accidentally let it slip that he has a girlfriend.
Your facial expression or body language or vocal tone showed surprise and possibly dismay, since you assumed this funny flirty guy was available and interested in you. So he hastily told you he’s about to end his current relationship.
Do you think his girlfriend knows she’s about to be dumped? Or that her boyfriend is leading you on, making you think he was available?
If he tells you he’s gotten rid of Old Girlfriend and invites you to become New Girlfriend, you should realize you are just as replaceable as she was.
I’m confused. Is he breaking up soon, or did he already break up? You say different things at different points in the post.
We can’t know any more about his motivations than you, we aren’t in his head. As a general rule, don’t try to read tea leaves. If you want to know if someone is interested, ask them on a date.
It’s a variation of the husband telling his sidechick that he will divorce his wife soon but never does.
It doesn’t matter at all to you until he’s actually single, so put it out of mind.
I’d be immediately turned off by a guy if I found out he’d been flirting with me while he had a girlfriend.
Don’t believe that he is breaking up with his gf until he has already broken with her. He might say that to every girl he wants to sleep with behind her back. It’s a low class move for him to say that about her to work colleagues. He shouldn’t say anything until he has actually broken up with her already. And don’t you encourage him to be a cheater. Assume he’s taken until he’s single. Find someone else in the meantime.
Word of advice, anybody trying to start a relationship before ending one they’re already in is nothing but trouble and isn’t ready to be in one though I highly doubt he’s actually breaking up with her he just said that to see if he can get with you on the side. I don’t understand how this behavior is attractive to you and not a major red flag of how he treats romantic partners.
The young fox is slightly feeling out the old wolf. The old wolf is allowing the fox to come near, because he is hungry.
Nobody gives a heads up about breaking up with their SO if you don’t know them very well. It’s inappropriate and personal in a workplace.
He said that to see if he’s got a shot with you.
You are both attracted to each other.
I doubt he is serious about ending his relationship, but if he were, you would be getting involved with someone who dumped someone else to be with you. That’s problematic because he could do the same to you later on, or worse, get back with his gf when he gets bored with you.
Keep it professional at work.
Workplaces are gossiping nests and it could really hurt your career.
He’s literally just lying. He only said that to make his relationship seem less serious and important than it is so he can continue to flirt with you guilt free and so you’d keep falling for it.
Why would you want to be with someone who flirts w women while also having a gf? He won’t be any different if you two got together. Get a grip.
8 billion people on the planet. He won’t be your only shot. Know your worth.
If he caught feelings for you as a coworker while he has a girlfriend then he’s going to do the same to you.
He should have been looking for a new job, transferred out or stopped coming around you immediately.
He does not respect his relationships and clearly lacks the skill necessary to facilitate a long lasting relationship
I suppose ask the obvious question:
If they both want it over and are okay with it being over… why is it still going?
And the fact that it is still going but they are planning for it to be over… does that actually make the fact it is increasingly clear he is interested and likely flirting with you okay?
Like be real, this doesn’t make sense. This is ‘we plan to divorce’ but somehow even more silly and pointless. Maybe what this is doesn’t count as cheating especially if you stop it now but it strikes me the only real reason you say such wishy washy stuff like he did is to make it seem like all this is okay on a technicality.
How you get them is how you lose them. If you keep flirting with him knowing he has a girlfriend you’re the problem. Have fun while it lasts xox
if hes thinking about cheating on his girlfriend with you, he’ll cheat on you when you’re his girlfriend.
and yes, hes thinking about cheating on his girlfriend. they haven’t broken up and probably won’t
I think he’s trying to tell you he’s available buy make absolutely sure… you don’t wanna be the side piece ruining a relationship when he’s the one lying saying they broke up..
Ugh, don’t fall for the ‘we’re breaking up soon’ nonsense. If they wanted to be broken up, that would already have happened. He sounds like a guy enjoying the attention from the new girl. He could very well act the same way when another new woman starts working there. He wants to appear available, but he actually isn’t. What a jerk.
ETA: judging by your responses, you’re okay with being a side piece and getting involved with guys who cheat on their gf’s. I think you’re looking for a comment to justify going for this guy, even though you know the truth. If you want to date guys like this then do it. It’s your life and your heart. ignorance is bliss. Just remember that karma doesn’t sleep.
Being the rebound generally ends badly.
Regardless of how long he’s been dating his current gf, he needs some time to be single and figure out what mistakes he made so he doesn’t repeat them in his next relationship.
If you want to have some fun with him, go for it as the rebound. If you want an actual relationship, remember that you lose them the same way you got them.
Everyone is reading way too much into this. Starting with you OP. What if he is just being friendly to you and felt safe to tell you about his life? What if he was really breaking up with his gf and wasn’t thinking about going out with you?
What if he likes you as a friend and colleague but nothing else? You have admitted he is the first guy you are interested in, your radar may still be blunt, I would proceed with caution.
He could be a player, trying to play you. It could also be an innocent workplace chat. Probe more. Ask him direct questions and if he says he is into you, tell him nothing will happen until he has broken up with his gf. I would be careful. Good luck
One day, you’ll be the girl friend and he’ll find someone younger to flirt with. And when she asks how was your weekend, he’ll blurt out that he’s breaking up with his girlfriend so that he and her can keep flirting.
🚩
Don’t shit where you eat.
Why would he be going out with his girlfriend for the weekend when they already discussed a split. Sounds like he slipped up. He is a cheater. Also sounds like from your responses, you’re going to do what you want anyways.
You want to date a guy who was flirting with a coworker while in a relationship? So you’ll be cool with him doing that to you? Get higher standards. Also, dating a coworker isn’t typically a good idea.
Steer clear of this guy. First, he flirts with other women while he has a girlfriend. Second, couples don’t agree to “break up soon”, they either break up or they stay together. Third, he’s trying to string you along and keep you interested while not actually being available himself.
Basically, you are now his insurance policy in case his girlfriend does dump him; or he’s grooming you so he can cheat on his girlfriend while assuring you that he will “break up soon.”
Keep your distance.
Work on your self esteem his shit is unacceptable.
He recognized that he let it slip that he had a gf and then had to correct himself so you knew he was available. This is a serious red flag because:
1) he’s full of shit
2) he’s looking to cheat
3) if by chance he does eventually break up with his gf it will be because she finds out about his cheating and dumps him
4) once 3 happens, he will then latch onto you until he finds his next side piece to cheat on you with
If you start dating, he’ll do the same thing to you the next time he meets a hot girl. What a nightmare. There are plenty of guys out there, find one who won’t drag you through drama hell.
He has a girlfriend and you work together. He’s flirting with you and telling you that relationship will be over soon, like any married man promising divorce. You’re 23, not 15. These are red flags, treat them as such.
0 relationships at work? what will you do if you break up?
1 he doesn’t explain why he just says what he will end a relationship with his current gf, they both want it yada yada for f sake? what stops them? fo real? bs
2 well he had a girlfriend and acted like this? do you want to be in same situation? like being in relationship with him while he flirting with other girl ?