We’re a great match in every way except he won’t go down on me. We’ve talked about this multiple times and he said he’ll work on it but nothing has changed. I like giving and receiving so I’m always half-fulfilled. Is that a reason to leave?

41 comments

  1. Not necessarily a reason to leave. Has he ever said a full on reason on why he doesn’t want to?

  2. If he has promised to improve but doesn’t do so, then you have to make a choice here.

    He knows that you need this for your sexual satisfaction, but your satisfaction isn’t enough to get him to do so. Either this is something you can deal with or it isn’t. If he hasn’t done it in four years, how will you feel after another year? Five? Ten?

    You either accept it or you move on. Only you can answer that. That said, sexual incompatibility and a partner not caring about your pleasure are absolutely justifiable grounds for a breakup.

  3. It’s 4 years. The way to make it 5 years is to date him for another year.

    You aren’t gonna change this. If it was gonna change, it was gonna change in 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 months… not 5 years.

  4. If this is really a deal breaker for you then you should reconsider him cause even sexual things matter and as you said earlier in one of the other comments that you’re not his physical type then dude ??? what are u even waiting for , leave his ass

  5. To me yeah because you are unhappy and things won’t change. Or you try to figure out why he doesn’t go down on you. There are some possibilities in fact.

  6. I think the important question is the reason. He doesn’t want to go down on you because “you are not his type”? Does he feel sexually attracted to you at all? Is he just waiting for “his type” to leave you?

    Once you love someone, they become your type. My boyfriend’s type are petite blondes, and I’m the exact opposite! It took me a while to understand how could he like me and enjoy me and want to satisfy me until he and another male friend told me that, even if they had a type, they find their partners to be the most sexy and beautiful simply because they’re themselves.

    And after 4 years, you are not his type? Either he’s very immature in relationships or worse…

    Try to have a serious relationship about it, maybe he meant another thing and phrase it horribly wrong. I’m praying that’s the reason.

  7. Depends on how much this means to you. If you are feeling unfulfilled though I don’t know how that gets better without you either leaving, cheating (which is just lazy leaving), or him having an epiphany which after five years is unlikely.

  9. Isnt the bigger problem here not that you aren’t you boyfriends type?

    You really think he’s going to stay with someone forever who isn’t his type? To the point where he finds you sexually off-putting?

    You guys will break up at some point and you will have settled for less this whole time.

  11. Even if he did start to go down on you, odds are it would be reluctantly and not because he wants to or enjoys it. To me that sounds worse than not receiving oral at all.

    I wouldn’t be with a man at this point in my life who won’t go down on me. Life is too short for shitty sex. And I say this as a woman who was married for a decade and had a non-existent sex life.

  13. have you ever asked him for the reasons he won’t go down on you? I think that factors into it as well. If it’s something as simple as him being too scared to, or suggesting that you shower beforehand, then it’s possible that things would change. But if he just outright refuses to, then you have a decision to make.

  14. Sounds to me like you need permission to leave him. He said he would work on it and he hasn’t. Your decision is clear. He doesn’t do what he says he’ll do. This will spill over into other areas

  16. Perhaps a last ditch effort of easing him into going down on you…let him taste you off of your fingers….then go from there. If he is still reluctant….you have a choice to make.

  17. Oral sex is still sex and for some of us woman where clit stimulation is needed to orgasm, its absolutly a solid reason to end a relationship. I 100% will not engage with someone who doesn’t eat pussy.

  18. Girl I wouldn’t have even been with him to begin with for that but that’s also because it enjoy it and it would be a dealbreaker for me personally. If it’s one for you, remember that you can’t force him to do it and accept that it likely will continue to not happen. Either you’re okay with it or you’re not. It’s 100% a valid reason to leave and even if you think it isn’t, you don’t *need* a valid reason to leave someone. You can leave anytime you want if you feel like it (assuming it isn’t an unhealthy/scary situation/relationship). Sounds like leaving is the best option for you if you’ve talked about it and it’s gone nowhere.

  19. Yup. Go find a guy who LOVES to eat your pussy. It’s not everything but it IS one of the key things.

  20. The fact that he’s been lying to you for four years about “working on it” is a reason to leave. By this time it should be clear that he has no intention of ever doing it and he finds it inconvenient that you keep asking. Maybe ask yourself if there are other aspects of the relationship are things that you are being forced to put up with.

  23. I can understand a year or a little more but 4 years should tell you he is grossed out by it or has no interest in pleasing you that way. Unless your hygiene is bad.

  25. It took my bf 1 year to go down on me first. The reason was, he is dominant and he felt like eating a girl out is more of a submissive position to be in and he wasn’t comfortable with it (I know this sounds kind of jerk-y but bear with me).

    The way we resolved it was, he handcuffed my hands and went down on me as a form of edging. So he was in the dom position and I was more in the sub position. He eased into it and now 5 years into the relationship he is 100% comfortable with going down on me at any time.

    What I want to say with this, try understanding why exactly he doesn’t want it. Does he not like the smell of our lady parts? Does he feel similar to my bf and doesn’t like the more submissive role of it? Does he just not get any pleasure out of it thus he is not willing to sacrifice? If it’s the latter, it’s a red flag imo. If it’s something solve-able, you can try to work on the deeper issue.

  26. Dump him or stop giving him head. Even the playing field. Don’t walk away feeling like you played yourself.

  27. I couldn’t stay with someone who found me physically off-putting in any way. Think you have to decide if you feel the same.

  28. He will never go down on you in any regularity so if it’s important you either say I’m ok with it or you leave.

  29. As someone who looked past that and married him… I’m now in a very dead bedroom on the path to divorce.
    You have a very important choice to make. There’s a lot more to unpack here aside from the fact he won’t go down on you.

  32. If he doesnt give and only take then you return the compliment..no head for no head simple im sure he will enjoy that

  33. Sounds like if u stay youll need someone to fill in the missing gaps in time hes not fulfilling your needs..
    Cut him off asap

  34. Receiving and giving oral seems to be important enough that it has been bothering you for four years, and is leaving you unsatisfied in your sex life. To me, it sounds like you’re clearly explaining how your relationship is sexually incompatible. You either need to let go of the idea of receiving oral and stop asking for it, or break up and find a partner that is sexually compatible.

  35. honestly just don’t give him head and see how he feels about it. If he won’t do it for you don’t do it for him.

  36. If you make it a reason to leave, it’s a reason.

    I suggest you talk to him about it – let him know just how serious this is for you. If he knows you might leave him because he won’t event attempt doing down on you, he might have to make a choice so you don’t have to.

  37. It’s not that you aren’t his type girl, it’s because you have established that he can have his cake and eat it too. Not your cake mind you…but I digress. Look at your sex life and your regular life and what you do for him and back the F off of all the things you do for him. You make his lunch? You wash his clothes? You suck his dick? Stop. When he asks why tell him it’s because he is dragging his feet. If he does it once replace all the non sexual things you want but do not give him back your pussy until he steps way the fuck up. I’m 46 and i know that oral is so good for my girl. She gets it whenever she wants it. Even during the red week. Not for everyone but she deserves it. She is hot and fit, takes care of herself and try’s to look good for me everyday. She smells like a dream and is very good to me in bed. She is my queen and she deserves to be pussy worshipped. So does every women who wants it. Just like blowjobs it should go without saying if I get it she gets it too. If I won’t do it then she shouldn’t have to either. If you like it and do it anyways that’s on you. But a pussyless relationship will turn things in a different way real soon. Either option is best in your situation. Either he steps up or leaves. Good luck beautiful

  38. No matter how “small” the reason seems, if you dont feel fully satisfied in a relationship and it doesnt get better, then it is always a valid reason to leave, no matter what, because that are your feelings and nobody can judge them.

    If he wanted to change something, there would have been progress after a few weeks or months, but not 4 years.

    To conclude if you feel unsatisfied and nothing is gonna change, leave

  40. “I that a reason to leave” Some people will tolerate literal daily slaps to the face. Only you can decide.

  41. Looks like you need to find a boyfriend of 1 day that will. They’re out there.

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