I (26f) have been friends with her (25f) since our freshman year of college. She’s kind of always made… not great decisions but as they were only impacting her life I’d give the best advice I could and let her do her own thing. We bonded during very troubled parts of our lives. Facing old trauma and mental health issues. Looking back I think we developed a co-dependent relationship.
I made a lot of big decisions to improve my life and move on, but always remained close friends with her because I genuinely thought she was going to eventually make better decisions too, she just needed some more time. Sometimes I felt like I should distance myself because many of her choices and behaviors weren’t really what I wanted to be a part of anymore but I also didn’t want to abandon someone who had been there for me just because my circumstances improved.
I don’t think our friendship is healthy and I hate the situation it took for me to realize it. It’s been MANY years, this core part of this friendship will never change.
Currently she isn’t speaking to me because I said something negative about her BD, silent treatment is very normal for her. Assuming she ever starts talking to me again, how do I end the friendship? I’m not really interested in calling her out or defending my choices because I know not all of my choices were correct.
TLDR; long term friendship needs to end, how do I end it in an appropriate way that preferably does not require calling her out or justifying myself?
4 comments
If she’s not talking to you then don’t reach out.
If you don’t reach out , she might not either and then your problem is solved ! No muss no fuss !
If she’s not speaking to you right now, just let it die a natural death. You don’t need to explain or justify anything to her. Just move on, move forward, and simply don’t reach out again.
Hope this helps.
I’m experiencing and have experienced this very similar situation, and the best I can say is it totally depends on the person. For example, my best friend since freshman year of college, I simply had to sit down with her (tried, I could only reach her by phone) and explain where the core of our friendship went wrong and where we could maybe, if she truly wanted, Mend and have a stronger friendship. She did not take this lightly. In all reality, I knew this was going to happen, but I’m still so glad I did it. It felt like such a wave of relief. Mind you she’s very insecure due to multiple life traumas and wouldn’t let me slowly pull away, basically. Now, my best friend situation currently, I still live with her. We will be moving into different apartments next month but I have been slowly distancing myself. Now, the trajectory of our friendship is very similar to my previous exampled friend, but they are very different people. I slowly tell her less of my life, less about how I’m feeling, because quick frankly she drains my energy. When she talks to me or asks me for advice I’m nothing but kind and will always be a friend to her, but I cannot have the same relationship go forward. I’ve set different boundaries with her (going out more without her, not telling her more of my plans, honestly just because I don’t care to tell her anymore). now this is a result of repeated behavior and not because I simply don’t enjoy her lifestyle. She deserves an answer why if she asks. It’s always best to be honest, even if it’s hard.
Lastly, you can’t feel guilty for outgrowing people. Seriously, you guys are grown women. Shes gonna figure herself out on her own with or without you!
If she doesn’t reach out to you, then I’d say fuck if! Relationships are 2 ways. People make mistakes but you have to own up to it