I’ve been on 2 dates with this guy. Conversation was deep from the beginning which was interesting to me as I like deep convo. However, he basically told me on the first date that he was abused, got married within a month and then divorced a year later, and doesn’t have good relationships with his parents or exes. He likes to ask me deep things like what’s something no one else knows about you, he has talked about “souls” and unconditional love. Idk. He has done a lot of self work to try and get over stuff he has been through but something tells me something is off. This guy is rather magnetic and alluring but the conversation makes it seem like he is trying to find my insecurities and dig too deep. Do these things seem like red flags? Also he messages me A LOT after 2 dates. Not sure I want to see him again. He also talked about giving all your love and soul to someone. Idk. I’ve dated a psychopath before and so I want to be cautious.
TLDR are these red flags of a toxic person
9 comments
It can be red flags of a VERY needy and dependent person. Which can be toxic and exhausting especially if he’s already that attached or ready to be attached after two dates.
The only reason you need not to go on another date with someone… is not to want to.
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You don’t want to date this dude, so don’t. No need to diagnose. Just don’t date him.
This is A LOT for two dates. Even asking what’s something no one knows about you – that’s not deep, it is jarring, as if two dates makes him closer to you than anyone else in your life? Honestly while some of the subject matter is beautiful, it feels rushed, particularly if you are not feeling the same vibe. Trust your gut.
At minimum, I’d say he’s a bit immature and foolish. Also, unconditional love isn’t for romantic relationships – it can be appropriate for a parent to have towards a child, but it isn’t for a relationship of equals. Unconditional love means you love someone no matter who they are, and romantic love is all about loving that particular person because you love who they are. If he wants unconditional love, he’s looking for love, but he doesn’t actually care about you, just that you can give him the love he wants.
So, it could be that this guy is just inexperienced in light dating and is acting awkwardly… but I think your internal warning signs are *always* a good thing to listen to. I’d say proceed with caution if you otherwise like him despite this- but don’t hesitate to pull the plug if your instincts say so.
Narcissism is usually defined by being a manipulative, self centered, entitled jerk, who never admits they are wrong.
Not narcissistic based on the available info, but none of the other things you describe sound good either. He’s sounds very needy, clingy, and insecure. Wouldn’t want someone like that in my life even as a friend.
“Love bombing” (which this may be) is characteristic of narcissism.
*Do these things seem like red flags?*
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well, they don’t seem like green flags.
I can say that this behavior would certainly scare me off. He’s moving at warp speed and trying to monopolize your time. Hard pass.