I want to live abroad, but partner doesn’t.
My partner and I have been dating for a little over 7 years. A couple years back, right before the pandemic started I was supposed to live in Japan for a year and work. Fast forward to now and I can finally go, but the issue is that my partner is now no longer comfortable with me going. As in I can go, but we would separate. I have been studying Mandarin and Japanese for years now and want to use that to work in an international business setting. I know the grass isn’t greener on the other side and am not moving away to escape my life. I am looking to experience life in a different country to get into the job market that I want. As a compromise, we have talked about moving to a larger city with more diversity so as to use my language skills. The more I think about it, the more I am not sure if that would solve the issue.
I love my partner very much and am talking about this with my therapist. I am just having a hard time thinking I won’t regret this chance and feel like by not going I am denying a part of myself. I know that speaking with people online isn’t always the solution. Just looking to see if anyone has been through something similar and has helpful insights. Thanks!
Tl;Dr Originally was planning on living abroad. My partner is no longer ok with that (totally understand), but now I am torn on what to do as I find a lot of value in life in experiencing other cultures and want to use it to get into the career I want.
5 comments
What’s the future of this relationship?
This sounds like a dealbreaker. To share my perspective, living abroad has negative appeal to me. But, if I had invested years of my life getting myself to a place where I can try it, then at the last minute my SO said “not interested”… well, I’d feel like my choices are
1. Break up, be sad but still in my twenties, and fulfill my long term dream of living abroad
or
2. Stay together, happier in the short term, but as years go by resent my partner for the rest of our time together about a missed opportunity that I can never get back.
Both have downside, but 1 seems like the better choice from what you’ve shared.
I have wanted to move to [country] since I was about 18. I have retired early and what work I do, I do from home. I have savings and a small passive income. There is nothing to stop me fulfilling my dream. Three years ago I was all ready to move.
Except my wife. Who is stuck in this country for work reasons. And can’t seem to find a job there.
Three years on, I love her, I don’t want to divorce after 20 years. But I do feel I am throwing away my life’s dream. I’m going to die without ever having done it. I’m twiddling my thumbs in this country, where I really don’t want to be. I shouldn’t resent her, it’s not her fault. But I do *regret* her if that makes sense.
YMMV but IMHO you need to do this. I totally understand if you feel too invested in the relationship. But you’ll still regret it.
In my 20s I lived abroad for a couple of years. No it wasn’t easy, the language was challenging, work permits were a problem, it was a long way away, and there was a *war* while I was there, but I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.
I have lived in several countries outside the USA including Japan. I learned a great deal about this world that helped me greatly in life and busienss. It is hard for many people to take that step. Fear of the unknown. Fear of something new. I have known people that have not gone 10 miles from their family home.
If she is not ready to take that step then there is nothing you can do.If you do not go. You will regret this oppertunity and eventually blame her .
You could go to Japan and once you are settled invite her over for a few weeks.
Yeah, you should really, really go.