So I’ve been with my girlfriend (25f) for just over 4 years, we’ve been living together for the last 2 of those in a rented flat and have a large-ish dog we got as a rescue about a year ago.
It’s not that there’s anything wrong with our relationship, I do love her, it’s healthy, we get on, don’t really argue, sex life is fine, but I just can’t escape the feeling that I’m just not happy. I feel like I want to get my independence back, I want to live by myself and I want to work on myself as well.
The problem is we’re so intertwined at this point, we only recently resigned for another year in our flat, neither of us would be able to look after the dog properly on our own, we have all the same friends, and both live far from home. Not only that but she also really struggles with her mental health and I’m pretty much her only support system so I’m scared of what could happen if I were to leave her.
I have no idea what to do, I know I’m unhappy but it feels like everything would fall apart if I were to leave. Please help!
3 comments
There’s two things here; first, there’s logically something wrong in the relationship or you wouldn’t be here. There is almost certainly an issue or some issues leading you to feel this way. You’ll have to be honest about that.
Second, just keep it simple and put things into perspective. Do you want to be unhappy forever? Because that’s what you’re resigning yourself to by staying. You matter. Know that.
Hey. Internet mom here. Here’s the thing. Staying because you think the other person will fall apart without you is not sustainable. This will end. You’re already gone but she doesn’t know it. That’s not fair to her. She can find a roommate. The life stuff will work itself out. The sooner you tell her, the better it is for her. Obviously for you too but your main concern seems to be her. It’s important that we learn to be happy on our own. Two half people don’t make a whole person. Two whole people coming together because they choose to.. that is what works. The details will feel overwhelming but you need to be honest. For both of your sakes. It’s going to be okay. Not right away. But it will be.
It’s unfortunate that you re-signed your lease knowing that you didn’t want to stay in the relationship and wanted to live on your own.
You are allowed to break up with someone even if they don’t like it.
https://captainawkward.com/2016/12/05/922-is-it-selfish-to-break-up-with-this-person-even-though-hes-not-doing-too-well-right-now/
You can’t be her emotional support animal. You can’t set yourself on fire to keep her warm.