My husband works in IT and for the past 4/5 years he’s become such a push over at work. There are 3 people in his team (1 manager, him, and 1 person under him) yet he is the one who does everything.
He goes in every day early, he works over time and if his boss says jump, he says “How high”. He HATES his job with a passion and hated his last job just as much but he will not quit despite being miserable and unhappy.
However is he completely different at home. He’s bossy and gets everyone else to do his dirty work and constantly gets the kids to tidy up after him.
I’m ill at the moment (just a cold) however I could have really used a hand at home looking after our sick daughter and general helping out but as usual he went into work, and as usual he was the only one there his boss didn’t show up because of the snow (he lives 5 mins down the road, we live 40 mins and there isn’t even a cm of snow on the ground).
I’ve spoken to him about this so many times but all I get met with is “Stop getting at me, I’ve got to go to work”. He can’t see he’s the office b***h and is been taken for an absolute ride.
How can I get him to see he’s been taken for a fool, change his attitude and put his family first.
Oh just another bit of context but he’s not a manager or high up in the company at all and is already underpaid at 30k a year for what he does, he could earn much more in another company and he knows it. The person below him hasn’t shown up to work in 4 months (works from home despite not being allowed to) and the boss doesn’t have a problem with it, however my husband does not get the same treatment. Last year the employee under him got rated a 5 and received a big bonus, my husband was given a 1 and didn’t get any bonus. The employee under him also had a promotion last year, my husband asked about one this year after Christmas and was told “we will discuss it next year (2024). I’m starting to think his boss maybe has something on him and I can’t understand why my husband sits back and lets his boss/company treat him like this.
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**tl;dr**: Husband puts his job before his family. How do I go about getting him to change and put us before his job.
4 comments
Maybe start by stop nagging him and start just asking him what he wants and what you can do to help him achieve his goals.
>I’ve spoken to him about this so many times but all I get met with is “Stop getting at me, I’ve got to go to work”. He can’t see he’s the office b***h and is been taken for an absolute ride.
Exactly how are you speaking to him?
What are you saying to him?
Your husband sounds like he has no control at work so he’s trying to assert dominance at home.
How is your relationship otherwise? Can you have this convo without him or you blowing up?
>such a push over
>
>if his boss says jump, he says “How high”
>
>He can’t see he’s the office b***h
>
>he’s been taken for a fool
I just want to zero in on how you’re describing your husband in a pretty demeaning way. Now, I suppose it’s possible that this contempt doesn’t come through in your interactions with him, but I’m going to bet it does.
>he’s been made redundant from the last 4 jobs
>
>my husband was given a 1 and didn’t get any bonus.
So he’s (justifiably) worried about job security and is understandably frustrated being in a job he hates and where he doesn’t get any respect…and then he comes home and is demeaned even further. Just curious, what have you done to approach this in a constructive manner, rather than a judgmental one?