idk why i like ageplay

tw: ddlg, ageplay

this is rlly embarrassing for me to say so i didn’t know where else to go 🙁

idk why but whenever im (18F) around my bf (19M) i start acting childish. it started when we first started dating and he would talk to me in a baby voice and he calls me “baby” and i began to really like it. whenever im around him i feel safe, and i have a strong desire to be cuddled and babied. i told him about it and he’s been really open and accepting, and we tried this one fantasy where i pretend to be a little girl and he’s older and teaching me about sex. i *really* liked it and he told me it was enjoyable for him too. i also like holding stuffed animals, wearing little girls’ clothing, and calling him daddy. i find that it brings me comfort to feel protected and safe, and it makes me feel loved. i like when he ties my shoes for me, lets me sit on his lap, etc.

i guess im just curious as to why this may be. i dont have a particularly bad relationships with my parents. they were involved in my childhood and lived together. they are in love and treat each other well, they rarely argue. they never beat me or abused me.

the only possible explanation i have is that my dad used to give me the silent treatment a lot when i was younger, and he would ignore me for months on end without responding to me whenever he was mad (ie, i would ask my dad a question, he would be stony/silent, and my mom would answer for him instead.) my mom would always tell me “you know your dad loves you and that he doesn’t mean it” but my dad did not often show me physical or verbal affection.