as a woman i’m always told that “men are ALWAYS horny and would fuck anything that walks, and will never reject sex” but then there’s my boyfriend who is less horny than i am, and it’s always him who has to consent in the end because i usually initiate it (no i haven’t been SAd or forced to do anything he would NEVER do that). i’ve only had one sexual partner in my life and that’s my boyfriend, so i’m not promiscuous or sleeping around. but i always feel like if i was thinner or if my pussy was lighter or tighter or i acted more feminine he would never reject me for sex. i am always masturbating all the time (we don’t live together yet bc we are young) meanwhile he goes like 2 weeks without a wank. i also feel ashamed because i learnt all my sexual stuff from porn meanwhile most girls my age (f19) wouldn’t dare look at porn, and their boyfriends teach them how to do these things. he rarely watches porn. it’s a real shame when me as a woman gets rejected for sex, i just feel like the more masculine horny one. he always tells me he’s attracted to me and my body (which i don’t understand why since i’ve got the body of a woman who’s birthed 3 kids) and when we do get sexual he always pleases me so fucking well, but he never feels like getting pleased back and doesn’t feel like he wants to cum (he is hard though). i don’t feel like a woman. i don’t feel like i’m being pursued.
5 comments
You seem to have a lot coming out all at once, and sex books do a good job helping out with that. I would research a few and pick one with good reviews, have at that. I’ve read a lot and have preferences – would scan forums for answers, but really I didn’t have light bulb moments until I read books.
You are young, but it sounds like you are beginning to experience how the real world is. Not all men are as they seem just as not all women are as society makes them out to be. He is one man and whether it sounds cliche or not, there are plenty of other men to choose from. I have a high sex drive and have dealt with some relationship issues and sexual mishaps, but as a 23M I have done enough searching to realize no one person is for everyone. Sex is very important to some and if you have a high libido you simply need to do a lot of thinking about continuing things as is for the foreseeable future, or if you want to make a change and how that change good or bad will make you feel.
There’s a lot to breakdown here!
Libido differs per person, and on top of that, differs per moment to moment basis (stress, anxiety and exhaustion are bad for libido) and – even though at the ages you provide – libido goes down over time, but that should not be the case. So his just might be a lot, lot lower than yours or other men, and that’s okay. It’s possible it has nothing to do with you, or him. It’s like some people like to stroll, some people like to walk, some like to hike and some like to run a marathon. The desire is different per person just because it is, and so is a libido.
Secondly, the “men are supposed to initiate” /”men are always horny”/”women never engage” that is an outdated cultural stigma that’s pretty much a toxic stereotype that “forces” men to be total Chads and “force” women to be innocent little puritan princesses. There’s nothing wrong with you engaging, unless he doesn’t want to (and it sounds he’s fine with it)
The “I don’t feel like a woman” is the worst thing to read in your OP. It kinda applies to the 2nd alinea I put above – and I’d argue it’s much better that you feel like *YOU* instead of *a woman* (whatever that may entail or which standards you chose to adhere to). You are you, you’re hornier than your bf, and that’s all okay <3
>as a woman i’m always told that “men are ALWAYS horny and would fuck anything that walks, and will never reject sex”
Look at it this way.
You’re figuring out that society loves to lie to you and you’re only 19. A lot of people are a lot older when they finally have that realization, and some never do.
Ok well firstly, congrats on learning first hand stereotypes are bad, us men don’t always want to fuck believe it or not (even as teenagers). Chances are he just doesn’t have that sexual drive you’ve been led to believe “all men” have, so you being “hotter” probably wouldn’t change his desire for sex.
It’s ok to watch porn btw, but I don’t think it’s a great tool to learn about sex. Porn and real life sex are not the same, keep in mind those people are paid to do those things.
As for the rest of your paragraph, men are absolutely allowed to tell you no to sex, just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean your entitled to it when you want. And it sounds like he probably is never going to be the “pursuing” type of guy.