Me (34, F) and my fiancé (32, M) are getting married over the summer. The majority of his friends coming to the wedding are either single or dating. From the conversations I’ve had with my fiancé most of his friends are shocked that he’s getting married and say that they have no interest in that for themselves and their girlfriends dare not ask them about that. They’re constantly asking him if he’s sure he wants to go through with it and talk about all the negative things that comes with a marriage; and then some of them proceed to ask about the women I’m inviting and if they look good and would be down to have “a good time.” My girlfriends are excited and happy for me to be getting married. They support a marriage and support the idea of taking a relationship to that next step. I feel like most of my fiancé’s friends are just coming to the wedding to eat, drink and see who they can hook up with. Is it terrible of me if I completely ignore his friends on the wedding day? Most of them I’ve never met before. And to now get the sense that they don’t even support our union but yet are coming to the wedding really irritates me. I don’t want to be a bitch but I feel that I don’t even want to acknowledge their presence that day. This bothers me mainly because my fiancé and I have gone through a lot. He was always scared of marriage and his hesitation has nearly cost us our relationship (we’ve been together 6 years). Even now that we are getting married he still tells me he has anxiety sometimes. So now that he has some friends who seem to try to make him think there’s something wrong with the decision he’s made it really bothers me. I don’t want my behavior to ruin our day but I don’t know how to get over his friends being such immature adults. I accept that marriage isn’t for everyone; but I don’t think it’s right to try and put certain ideas into someone else’s head when it can very well affect people’s lives.
4 comments
You’ve been together for six years and are getting married, but you haven’t met most of the friends he’s inviting to the wedding? And why is he telling you the things they’re saying when it upsets you?
It doesn’t sound like your fiancé is all in on getting married—are you sure you want to marry someone who isn’t excited to marry you?
Hmmm. Maybe rethink this marriage. Seems your fiancé isn’t sure
Or…You could just be awesome and instead of nurturing the discord they’ve sewn you could have a happy day. What will be the reaction to you behaving coldly and rudely to these guests you agreed to invite? Do you think that will make them say “Whew, we still don’t want to get married just yet but she’s actually a warm and happy person and maybe this wasn’t a terrible decision on Grooms part.”
Or “Wow, didn’t I tell you she was like that? Not even married an hour and she’s treating us like dirt.”
It’s your call but at the end of the day they are your guests. Because you are a couple they are all your guests.
What you describe from your boyfriends side sound completely normal.
His friends are busting his balls about getting married, are excited about drinking at the wedding and are asking if there will be cute girls. This is like every group of guys who’s ever been invited to a wedding.
The fact that you’re considering acting out at your own wedding over this is really concerning IMO.