When it comes to single women I’ve met or have known on some level it’s always a simlar pattern.
Many are in between men. They seem to more often than not to have some guy they are kinda dating or just screwing. I’ve noticed these more casual situations leave me in a weird head space. Often times I feel If i shoot my shot with women who are in these situations I’m coming between her and the guy who got to her first.
I’ve noticed I really only like the idea of shooting my shot when I think a woman doesnt have current partners at that moment. Once I find out she does have others she flirting with, or is doing more I find myself getting cold feet about the whole things and often times I will not even bother with the competition between and the potential other guy(s).
Honestly do I need to be more cut-throat for dating? Am I not selfish enough so to speak? I have this nagging feeling I should be caring less about fucking up others potential relationships or situation-ships. Am I sabotaging myself with this mind set of let them be and if it fizzles then make my move?
Again this is coming from a place of noticing a decent portion of single women in my age range(20s) always a guy they are “testing the waters with” There seems to be a very short window where I can make my move guilt free.(right place/right time)
For context I am 27 and just now learning how to put myself out there and learning my style of dating and flirting that works for me. Becuse what I’ve been doing for the last few years has not been working and I’ve grown frustrated in the fact my “morals” alway get in the way of having fun with women. Be it’s a date/fooling around or straight up sex.
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Dude, if they aren’t exclusive there is no reason to take yourself out of the picture. You are doing yourself a real disservice. The “hookup” culture is real and it’s easier to find yourself in a situation than a relationship. Shoot your shot.
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Anyone who has been dating is “in between” people. Don’t think about it. Lots of people casually date multiple people for a bit before they meet someone they want to take things to the next level with, or they’re just exploring their interests
I don’t even bother with them.
If they’re someone I know casually I might be friends with them, but if I’m romantically pursuing someone and another dude is in the picture I’m not even bothering. Last thing I need is to get shot in the foot because some dude she was interested in shat in the pot.
You need to worry about you. No confident guy is sitting around waiting to see if she likes you better. Shoot your shot if you like her. She will smell the lack of confidence. If you are confident in you she’s gonna feel that. The reality is most girls like confident if not cocky guys in their 20’s. They don’t realize that may not be the best match until later. The bad boys have the edge early on. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Flip the script. You got this.
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there’s always another guy. usually some asshole on dating app that you don’t know about, facebook or that ‘friend’ she’s known for years.
Me, a woman in her late 20s, I was never in dating apps or slid in anyone’s dms or been with someone who slid in mine. If I dated a guy I was their friend first and it turned into something and I never dated multiple people at one time cause it always grossed me out to think that someone could be all up in and on someone an then another person literally hours or a day after. Maybe you’re meeting or looking for people in the wrong places. Just focus on yourself and do what you love and if you see someone cute or maybe become friends with someone while your out doing a hobby strike up a casual conversation with no expectations beforehand. The right one will come
Some women who engage in casual sex do so because we don’t want to get stuck in a mediocre relationship with the wrong man, but we still recognize a particularly great match/great chemistry when it comes along. A confident man doesn’t have to be afraid of other men in the background. Yes, it will be harder to get her attention initially because she isn’t desperate, but if you have a special connection that would be obvious and the other men would fade away.
Choose your battles basically, I see those who do multidating as window shoppers, which immediately makes me think they aren’t looking for something serious. They disqualify themselves really, so you move on to another.
This is also coming from a dude your age who doesn’t hookup or do casual, hold on to your values bud. Be honest and clear from the get-go that you’re no option to anyone.
Don’t put up with it. Wait for someone that is looking for the same thing you are.
Anecdotally, between my single friends we’re not like this. I don’t think it’s as exceedingly common as you think
Take advice from women.. not men, you’ll get farther. I’m mid 30s. Hookup culture and dating are not the same. At least not when dating wasn’t stupid. Dating was going on a coffee date with one guy or girl seeing where that goes, doesn’t work move on.
Sounds like the women you are choosing aren’t interested in relationships. So don’t bother with them. Simple. You want what you want and you wait until someone comes along that has it.
Are there always other guys she’s talking too?
No.🤔 not always.
Does that mean they are sleeping together if they are talking?
Also No.
Going for younger women then yourself as you’re 27 would do that. Look for women around your age not younger.
For the love of god don’t listen to “older women have more problems” or “single moms are problems” it sounds like you want someone with the same mind set as you so don’t be afraid to look at older women. Single moms takes a special kind of man.
You can’t change someone. You’ll only end up unhappy. Understand women have male friends that are just friends. If you can’t handle that then that’s for your relationship to figure out and vice versa.
And be yourself. If you’re not confident then gain some. Make sure you are emotionally intelligent. Be willing to listen when women talk.. and don’t think we are saying something between the lines.. most women will literally tell you what they want.
I can not advise you on what to do, but I can explain why I had “some guy”.
After my last relationship, I was going on many first dates and I was not really matching with any of them. It was a lot of dates and no action. At one point one date did turn into more dates, but we didn’t feel we were made for each other. I continued seeing him casually but I would still go on dates with new people once in a while.
Now I met someone I do like and I haven’t seen the other guy since our first date.
The fragility of the male ego is an incredibly sad (and frightening) thing.
Honestly although I somewhat I agree that this I’d usually the case, if a girl is single she can go on dates with different men if there no talk of exclusivity between the two. I also think if you two really hit it off, most rational people would cut out the loose ends for someone they see real potential with. Don’t think of it as competition or “who got to her first” since comparing yourself to others for relationship-based things is almost never good. Cheers brother and good luck
Don’t take it so seriously. Good women have options, you too should have options. If you’re dating somebody, don’t even think about it, you will not create drama and ruin something that is potentially good. The reality is, a lot of people date multiple people early on, part of dating is finding out who you are compatible with so.
The only time I’d say you should be concerned, is if you’re dating a woman for 5+ months, and you still aren’t exclusive, and that’s what you want. At that point, I would be questioning if things are really going anywhere, and just thinking if this is really something I want to keep devoting my time towards.
All this waiting for the right moment and hoping that she’s not being pursued by someone else is going to keep you single for a lot longer than you want to be. Get out of your head and stop worrying about men she’s not even officially with yet.
Abundance mentality. If you’re seeing 2+ other girls at the same time, then you care less about any oneof them
26m here, I feel ya. I’ve never felt too much joy from hook ups and I’m much more interested in a serious relationship. I think it’s best to assume all single women are talking to someone else and to get comfortable with that idea and not to take things too seriously. Most of us haven’t fully figured who we are or how we want to live our lives so how can we find a partner that fits a life we don’t even understand yet. You can still get lucky and find what you want and that’s worth it to keep trying until then take everything as a good learning experience and don’t overthink. Good luck
Never bothers me. I give the best version of myself and if that’s not enough I tried and move onto the next person.
One piece of advice I can give for avoiding these women is to be more aggressive. I had this problem too often when I was a fairly passive dater. The women more willing to drive the conversation, suggest a date, etc. are more likely to have already set up a situation for themselves.
By not being afraid to ask for a date quicker, double text if needed, progress the relationship, etc. I found there are more women out there than I thought that are just as interested in a relationship but aren’t just bouncing between people. 1
It gets easier as you get older. But the simple solution is to simply not care.
I mean this is the same for men imo too
Oh you really just have competition anxiety stemming from lack of self confidence. That’s the dating marketplace now. You just got to be the best do she chooses you be nice but not too nice. Women like drama soap operas lol
Female here, it goes both ways. Honestly, I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve had a guy tell me “you can’t date other men while you’re dating me, but I want to date other women.” Either way, regardless of gender, don’t bother with someone who doesn’t make you their only choice/priority. Stick to your ideals, that’s all you can do while dating
Act like you are the only game in town. Have some uber confidence. If you approach a woman with an aura of sulking at competition you’ve never seen, they can sense it. Walk around like you own the last penis on earth. And if they don’t like you, move on. There is a practically endless supply of women out there.
If you want a relationship you need to be better than all the other men (probably hundreds) who also want a relationship. There’s no magic to it, you just have to better then the others; better looking, more successful, more interesting, whatever. Since different women are looking for different things so it’s not like there’s a formula, but essentially you have climb over all the other men and somehow be chosen.
The best bet is to aim for perfection in as many ways as possible in order to give yourself at least a fighting chance. Being judged against the other hundreds of suitors for your profile/chats/dates certainly isn’t fun, but there’s not really many other options. Good luck.