How do I[M18] “break up” with my tutoring client[M14]?
I know this doesn’t entirely fall under a relationship, but there aren’t any big subreddits I could find that would actually help with my situation.
About 6 months ago I started tutoring my client. He is the first and only tutoring client I have had. I was unaware that he is on the autism spectrum and had adhd until I met him for the first time. It was a little bit of a shock, but I figured I would give it a shot.
Things were going really well at first and I felt as though I was helping a lot. But recent sessions have become less productive, as he has started disengaging and is always trying to end sessions early. Come to today, and he was on his phone or eating at least half the time, which only became a problem after he got his new phone.
I’ve always felt uneasy about telling him to get off his phone or pay more attention because I don’t feel it is entirely my place. But after todays session I just feel like I can’t help him anymore. I don’t want to keep talking his moms money when I am not really helping him improve. How do I tell his mom I no longer want to tutor him and should I give like a two week notice type deal? I’d rather today just be the last one. Thank you and feel free to ask for any more information, I’m kinda scatter brained right now.
tl;dr I don’t feel like I am helping my tutoring client improve anymore, how do I go about telling his mom I no longer want to tutor him?
4 comments
I would be inclined to tell his mother that while initially you felt you were making good progress, you now feel like you haven’t been able to help him,and you do not want to continue to tutor a child if your tutoring is not actually benefiting him. So, she should look for a different tutor who may be a better fit at this point.
I would have a chat with his mom (after the lesson or before privately) and perhaps she can tell him not be on his phone while you’re tutoring. Maybe he doesn’t understand that you can’t really help him if he doesn’t pay attention.
Tutoring is a relationship you both give your time and energy to reach a certain result so proper termination includes both. If you work in therapy at some point in the future you will find that the best approach is to not tell someone how to act but to find ways to help them make the change themselves.
He’s young enough that his parents are likely to be the ones driving this process. I think maybe it would be good to have a check-in with a parent where you talk about what you’re seeing (disengagement, excessive phone use, etc) and what you think he needs to do to move forward. I have a 12 year old and I would be really bummed if I hired someone to tutor my kid and they didn’t let me know that stuff, because 13 year olds, especially kids on the spectrum, are not usually self-regulating the way older high schoolers are, and asking the the kid to put away the phone during sessions is not a big request. They could even use parental controls to block it during tutoring time. As a parent, I would want a chance to make some interventions to see if we could get things back on track, especially if you were making progress previously. Honestly, with kids this age, you should be checking in periodically (like every few sessions) with a parent anyway, just to keep them in the loop.
That said, you’re under no obligation to keep doing this indefinitely if you don’t feel like it’s working. I would suggest having the check-in, agreeing on some steps to take, and saying okay, let’s try this for two weeks and if we’re not seeing results, I think you guys should go in a different direction.
Ultimately if you want tutoring to be a real source of income for you, you’re going to have to find ways to work with kids who are not all that motivated to be tutored. But maybe you don’t care and this is a friend of a friend, or maybe you’re just finding that this kind of teaching isn’t for you. That’s okay! It’s good to figure out what you don’t like to do as much as it is to find things you like.