I still sometimes feel like my girlfriend is out of my league and will leave for another man.
I feel like this comes from the fact that she is and always has been very traditionally attractive while I wasn’t particularly popular among girls growing up. Even after my teens, I’ve had trouble connecting with women, even if in hindsight some girls were obviously interested in me during college.
It really all comes down to how I perceive her to be more attractive than me and how fear at some point she’ll kinda realize this and leave me. On the emotional/interpersonal level I don’t think of her as superior to me, so it really is all about appearance.
How to get over this?
**tl;dr:** I find my girlfriend to me more attractive than me and am insecure that she’ll just go for a more attractive dude and leave me. How to get over this?
7 comments
Looks aren’t everything. She probably doesn’t care that you’re psychically “out of her league.”
It’s everything else that matters. How you treat her, how you get along, the good times you’ve had, etc.
Keep this up and she WILL leave you for another man, but not because of your physical attractiveness. She’ll leave because this kind of insecurity and negativity is exhausting.
Remind yourself that there isn’t a league. Anyone can and will date anyone they want. Do you find her a shallow person? It doesn’t seem like it, it seems like you think she genuinely likes you. Would you leave her for someone more attractive than her? Obviously I don’t know, but you’re both mutually in a relationship for a reason.
If you already understand that she’s a person with her own wants, needs, and feelings, not bound to any “league”, and it’s purely a surface level thing for just you….hit up a therapist for self-esteem issues. Truly sometimes it takes an outside perspective to really make you understand something, and a therapist can really help teach you ways to get out of your own head.
I wish you the best and hope you and your girlfriend have continued happiness.
> How to get over this?
She’s chosen to be in a relationship with you. If she wants to stay, she’ll stay. If she wants to leave, she’ll leave. How’s that different than any other relationship?
Maybe talk to a professional about your self esteem. But overall, people grow and change. Some people have their worst years lookswise in highschool, some in retirement. Usually it evens out over time and people do find partners who are their equal. But that equality can vary in what’s perceived as attractive. To your GF you apparently possess enough qualities to be still interesting after a year. If these self sabotaging thoughts keep coming up, do a deepdive with a therapist.
Therapy. This is an internal self esteem issue. It’s not really about how beautiful she is, it’s that you are telling yourself you don’t deserve to date a beautiful woman for whatever reason.
You might focus on this fact… you got the girl. **By definition** you are in her league.
As to the who’s more attractive bit… I’ll give you my own perspective. I think most guys — including myself — are dog-ugly. Again, from my own experience, and the guidance of people I trust, what women find attractive is *confidence*. So…
Find out what sort of things make you proud of yourself. Then go out and do those things. Take up fencing. Learn a new language. Learn a new dance. Sky’s the limit, and as you improve yourself, you become a better catch.