I honestly don’t know what to do. If I didn’t have several very young kids, I’d just leave to get some space and clarity.
My husband and I have been seeing a therapist. First together, and now separately. This therapist diagnosed me with a certain mental health issue which I’m not comfortable sharing here.
My husband took it upon himself to share it with my mother, who I was not going to tell because she has been toxic in the past. My husband has even warned me that my parents have a tendency to be toxic, and I should be careful what I share with them (he’s right about that, no issue there).
To say that I’m devastated is an understatement. I feel completely betrayed. I don’t know how I ever forgive him, but I know I have to.
I feel utterly humiliated and alone. I have reason to believe he’s also shared it with other people. Now all I want to do is hide under a rock and talk to exactly no one.
I honestly wish I could leave him, even if just temporarily.
I need advice. I need people to tell me that I’m not crazy for being hurt by this. I need to feel like I’m not alone– and as crazy as it sounds, Reddit is my only source for that right now. š
9 comments
You have every right to feel hurt he knows they can be toxic and you have a right to have privacy especially when it comes to your mental health for him to go behind your back and tell her is unacceptable!
I think you should share your feelings with your husband at your next therapy session. This is a huge transgression that I think needs to be handled carefully.
Or an alternative routeā¦ be proud of who you are! Diagnoses and all!
Of course youāre hurt by this. He took something private and told a family member he knows is toxic.
Bluntly, it sounds like heās trying to convince people in your orbit that youāre ācrazyā and heās the good guy.
Iād be hurt by that. That seems to me like a pretty serious breach of trust.
The number of people in your life he should share that with without your consent is exactly zero.
Is your therapist a licensed clinical therapist?
If this were me, I would be angry and hurt. But it would also matter a lot to me to know my partnerās intentions. Was it to be used as a weapon against me or a justification for his own point of view? Was it with the intent to get them to stop pressuring me in certain ways? That would make a big difference in my feelings toward my spouse. It wouldnāt fix the issue, but would frame the way I approach possibilities of resolution.
I would feel betrayed as well. But let me point out that just bc one therapist dxād you with something does not mean he/she is right. There are plenty of clinicians out there that misdiagnose all the time. Itās so damaging!
Share how you feel with your hubby. Let him know this was not ok and he should not be sharing private information with anyone without your consent. Especially if your mom has a hx of being toxic. My husband had done things like this before and I too felt devastated. Ask him what his intention was.
It’s not crazy. But if things are otherwise good with your husband, he might earn the benefit of the doubt.
I have mental health issues. I’m pretty open about them, because I think it helps to talk about it. My husband has also had a diagnosis, but he prefers not to share his information with his family.
I have had urges to share my husband’s diagnosis with some people because that’s how I am with mine, and I do think it would help my husband be better understood. But I also fully recognize that it’s not my information to share, and so I never will.
Maybe your husband meant well, is what I’m saying, even if he made a mistake. You’re not wrong for being hurt. Maybe it’s even unforgivable to you, and that would be okay too. I’d talk to him about it, and ask why he felt the need to do it. Maybe there is room for getting past it.