I need some help understanding why I feel so uncomfortable that my boyfriend got in a private room at a strip club while he was out in Vegas. To be fair, he asked me if he could go to the strip club and I agreed thinking there would be no touching. But when we talked the next day he told me he touched the strippers basically everywhere except— well that area— but like boobs, ass, body. And there are a couple of things that are making me frustrated but I’m not sure what is justified and what isn’t.
-I don’t really think that it’s a 1:1 on men with strippers and women with strippers because I don’t think women get as much out of it as men do generally, i feel like making out with someone else and getting a little handsy or something would be a better comparison— and if I did that with a guy my boyfriend would not be okay and say i was cheating on him… but he can touch two different strippers at a club??
-It makes me feel insecure like he wants to experience other women
-I think it’s such a huuuge waste of money. Like we’re always splitting the bills at dinner and whatever, which is fine but now that I know he’s down to spend hundreds at the strip club it pisses me off.
-I’m glad he told me what happened and we have a really good relationship but now I can’t stop thinking about it.
9 comments
Sure, my bf can decide to go into a private room at a strip club. And I would decide we are over.
Funny how boundaries work, right?
I hate to say this, but this one is on you for the most part. He asked you up front if he could go to a strip club and you said “yes” while making several assumptions that you did not communicate. If you had additional boundaries for conduct at the strip club you needed to tell him those, and you didn’t. He did the right thing by clearing it with you first and he was very open with you about everything he did, which suggests that he didn’t realize you’d have these objections. Otherwise he would have been more reluctant to tell you he went to the VIP room.
Don’t get me wrong, the way you’re feeling is completely understandable and it’s worth having a discussion with your boyfriend about what your boundaries are with strip clubs from here on out, but it wouldn’t be fair to be angry at him for this time given that you hadn’t laid out these rules yet. Lesson learned for next time, be clear.
you agreed “thinking” there would be no touching? you absolutely need to verbalize that. i think he should know that getting a private room is crossing a boundary, but you still didnt communicate that.
That would be it for me sorry
I’ve been to a lot of Vegas strip clubs and we were never allowed to touch the strippers. Tell him if he ever goes again, go to a better caliber of strip club. There are bouncers in the ones I’ve been to, even in the private areas, there is NO TOUCHING. The bouncers toss your ass out if you get handsy. Go with him next time.
Yeah to me touching another woman like that counts as cheating.
Going to see women dance and touching women are two different things.
First, tell him how you feel. Tell him you thought touching wasn’t allowed and, even though you didn’t communicate this boundary due to assumptions, you feel that boundaries were crossed. Go from there.
yeah, that would be it for me. no touching other women.
its understandable you see this as crossing a boundary but from his perspective: he asked, you said yes. you didnt attach any strings. you were miscommunicating and both had different understandings of what would be happening. you should have said “what do you plan on doing there?” or something