Some details may be altered to maintain the confidentiality of those involved.
TLDR: The job I have provides significant benefits to married couples over single employees. I trust her because she’s always been honest to me, even though we have a very toxic relationship. The marriage would be purely for the benefits, and I would be okay with her meeting other people, or even not talking to me.
My (2XM) ex gf(2XF) and I have started talking again recently, and it’s been good. We broke up few years ago, and I’ve dated multiple people since, but none of them have shown me the decency and respect of honesty like she did. I’m going to call her T, for toxic. T and I when we were together were probably the most toxic couple you could think of. We purposely hurt eachother to get back at eachother for the last time we hurt eachother. This went on for a few years, and genuinely I don’t believe her to be a bad person at all because she was a very honest person who stuck to her morals. I’ve been considering getting back with her, and want to talk to her about it, she seems fairly open to the idea so far and sometimes it feels like the toxic part of our relationship never started and we picked back up from when it was very wholesome.
Unfortunately my job values married employees significantly more than single employees. To the point that many people within this business have married people after just a few months of dating for the benefits. I’ve considered this. I don’t think I could ever feel love for T, as good of a person as I genuinely believe she is, we have severely different beliefs and morals that would ever prevent a long term romantic relationship from being successful. However I don’t see a partnership being affected at all by these differences. The benefits given to married employees has and is not limited to, increased pay to help support family, a family health care plan, a family dental plan, etc. So the benefits wouldn’t only benefit me but her as well.
I’ve considered marrying her over any other girl, or person for that matter, because she has never lied to me. Even when she cheated on me while we were on a break, she had come clean the day we started talking again. She explained what happened and why, and it hurt to hear. She did it to hurt me but she had told me the truth. At the time I was furious, but now I wish I appreciated it more. The lies I’ve been fed by girlfriends/family/friends since I’ve been with her have left me feeling nothing but sick. Talking to her has been such a breath of fresh air because she’s a honest person, even when the truth hurts. She’s never been a difficult person to talk to, and the main reason our relationship failed and turned into what it did is we came from horrible backgrounds, and were immature. She’s the best candidate in my 20-something years of life I’ve ever met for marriage because she has the 1 quality I value most. And it’s honesty.
So I ask again, should I marry this girl who, no matter how bad things got between us she stayed honest? We would probably sign a prenuptial agreement and understand that it’s not a bonding of love. She’d be free to do whatever she wants with whoever, just as she’s able to now, but with the added bonuses of marriage my job provides. I’ve personally been hurt and betrayed so many times I will never seek another romantic relationship, leaving the only way I could get these marriage benefits is to marry someone I trust to not backstab me, while keeping the relationship “open” on their end.
6 comments
no amount of money is worth this mess.
> The job I have provides […]
The job you have. Now. Tomorrow? Next year? At twenty two, you’re placing so much emphasis on this job that you’re seriously considering marrying a disaster and locking yourself on that path? Goddamn. Sure, maybe she’s honest, but you’re so obsessive about that one point to the complete disregard of the rest. Maybe you’ve done the sums and said to yourself that she’s worth X dollars to you. Maybe that works for you, keeping relationships on a purely transactional basis?
Just imagine your best friend would tell you this. What would you tell them?
No.
You realise that you two purposely hurt each other. Yet you don’t seem to realise you would be handing her a stick to beat you with. She’ll leverage her status as wife to fuck with you. IDK how but she’ll do it. She’ll bleed those benefits dry. She’ll divorce you and take the money. In some way she will ensure that this ends up far worse for you.
And the marriage will prevent you marrying anyone you actually want to marry.
Go get a new job but with sane employers who don’t have this fucked up and discriminatory policy. And/Or talk to an employment lawer, because this policy can’t be legal.
If you value honesty so much, why do you work for people who illegally discriminate based on marital status?
If you value honesty so much, why do you plan to defraud your employers with a sham marriage?
You sound like military enlisted; There is a reason for the bonkers military divorce rate. Marrying for benefits may be fraud.
Why not enjoy being single and look for someone who you will want to be with?