How do you make people curious about you so they talk to you first as a shy introvert?

13 comments

1. This is a great question and I’m curious to hear some good answers but sadly I have no clue how to answer this one.

2. Give them reason to ask. I have a bunch of tattoos and people are always asking about them. Same questions usually “what do they mean.. how many do you have” I always respond 11 but you can only see 10 which makes them thrilled to see the 11th and more inclined to talk.

   It doesn’t have to be tattoos, maybe just some type of jewelry or trinkets. I have a friend who uses a bunch of wristband in his hand and he always says jokingly that one for each ex. Is bs of course, he’s got like 20 different wristbands and like 2 exes but people still engaged with him.

3. Most people won’t ask about you unless they have some compelling reason to. The better idea is to ask people about themselves, be confident and aloof, and let them be drawn to knowing more about you. Sometimes they will and sometimes they won’t. But if you don’t let it affect you either way, then it won’t matter. Try complimenting someone when you’re standing next to them. Much of the time, they will feel compelled to start up a conversation with you, and you can insert tidbits of your life from there.

4. The people that get approached or talked to (first) – have OPEN body language. They are inviting…a smile, warm body language, eye contact, etc.

   But even that doesn’t guarantee people will WANT to approach and talk to someone…it really is all subjective. So if people.dont approach you, and you want to socialize, then YOU need to work on approaching them! Not everyone is charismatic…

5. Are you trying to get people to talk to you first? Or, talk to them first?

6. Don’t under estimate a good cologne!

7. I’m gonna be real with you, maybe even a little harsh, but I think my answer will probably be more helpful than the advice of others elucidating strategies to look more interesting — there are things you can do to seem more interesting, but in today’s day and age there’s literally nothing you can do that will make you so interesting that people will consistently come up and talk to you.

   Confidence and talking to other people is a skill that has to be developed and practiced. If you wait for people to come up and talk to you, you will be waiting for your entire life, and then at the end of it you will blame everyone else for being to shy.

   Get over your shyness — get over yourself, really. I’m not saying this as if it’s easy; it’s a process that will take time and hard work. If it were easy everyone would do it.

   But if you just sit around trying to “look interesting” you’ll forever be at the mercy of others to come up to talk to you — no better than a man on a raft without a sail. No matter how hard you paddle the waves will take you where they want.

   Get real, if you want to improve you have to be willing put in the time and hard work and make real, incremental changes over time, not try to “look interesting” and hope that someone chooses you.

8. Smile at them with your happiest, most loving smile.

9. Being an introvert and being shy are different things.

10. Get a weekend gig as a bartender, observe others in social in interaction and then copy.

11. Wear something unusual. Not totally wacky, but just something slightly unusual, enough to make people approach you to say, “hey I love those leopard print cowboy boots” or whatever. Works the other way too – it’s easy to be friendly with others when the first thing you have to say to them is a compliment, so find someone in the room who is wearing something striking …

12. Wear really loud weird ugly shirts.

13. While it is theoretically possible to be a social manipulator that pulls off what you describe in the OP, realistically it is far, far more difficult (and outside of your skillset) than getting over shyness and approaching others first.