I’m always in groups where people fire off story after story and it amazes me how a person has so much to say and how they never fail to captivate the entire group. But meanwhile all I can do is just nod and listen and occasionally laugh to fit in. It feels like I can never do the same nor even come remotely close to being an interesting guy. Hell I don’t even know why I bother sitting so long in a group where I literally contribute nothing. I hate those types of settings yet I feel like it’s necessary. Don’t get me wrong I still force myself to go because I want to change but at this rate I have no idea what to change.
A part of me wants to break away from my shell and not always be the observer in a group. Yet another part says that it’s OK to just listen, cuz that’s a good skill. But I can never help comparing myself and feeling guilty that I’m REALLY not doing anything except wasting my time. As in, there’s a million other things I would rather be doing yet I want to practice socialising. But I don’t really. At least not in this setting. Help.
22 comments
I feel you! It’s like I have a black hole in my mind and can’t seem to remember what is happening in my life 😅
Hmmm in my experience I never had stories because I wasn’t going out into the world and being mindful of my surroundings. Some people will actively look for a good story or (in a lot of cases with storytellers) make up details to make a story more interesting.
I’d say it’s just a side effect of being able to travel and go places and experience things. I know I barely got to travel until I started working and saved up for myself, but as soon as I did even that one week I was gone I came away with so many stories I could repeat over the years.
The only thing I can suggest is to go out and do things. Meet people, even if it’s a bad experience you’ve still got a story out of it. I know there are definitely storytellers who live for bad experiences specifically so they have a good story to tell. Even if you’re just an observer surrounding yourself with different people doing interesting things is bound to give you a good story.
go out more and expereince life. positing on reddit is not a fun story to share 🙁
Strive for a balance. Everyone can’t be the ‘that guy’… the life of the party, nor should you want to be, and note too that it’s not necessary to attract a mate.
You don’t want to be quiet ALL the time… speak up and be part of the conversation where its relevant and you know something about the subject.
It could be that you’re not hanging with people who have the same interests as you… I mean, when someone starts talking about the latest film or whatever… the only thing you need to be able to include yourself in that converasation would be having also seen the same movie….right?
1. You need to go out and do stuff to have stories to tell. No way around this. Set a goal for say “Try 3 completely new things this week” or something along those lines.
2. Everything gets better with a little seasoning. Never lie or make stuff up, but there is nothing wrong with a little innocent exaggeration for the sake of telling a good tale. Learn where you can spice it up a little without anyone noticing.
Tip: Watch dead poets society, Williams talk about how to use language. Use it to your advantage.
LPT: half the stories are made up bullshit, the other half are extremely exaggerated
When you do something new, write a dairy (1 litre bottle) so that you can better remember your experiences. Put it in bullet form so that yoy remember the key points and just blabber for fillers
They have lower thresholds on what constitutes a story. Sometimes you need to risk telling a story that doesn’t amaze everyone.
If it helps, it’s mostly flowered up trauma
Experiences make stories. If you lack from experiences, you can either let them happen to you or go forth and make some.
I feel like some people view themselves more as protagonists in a narrated story than others. To them, that makes a lot of experiences more memorable and story worthy.
I don’t see myself as a protagonist as much, so the same experience would feel less memorable or story worthy. I often find myself listening to a story and realize I had a similar experience, but never chose to tell anyone.
Anyways, I think if you see yourself as an important character in a story, I think you’ll remember and tell more stories
Many of them steal and/or lie and/or embellish. Don’t feel bad about not having “great stories”, I used to think this way, but instead I learned how to tell the stories I did have in a more interesting, colourful and exciting way.
Experiences. Live a social life abundance, new experiences will teach you everything you need to know.
go out hiking or bike around town. dont specifically look for a story, just travel.
People usually lie a ton as well. The most interesting people I’ve met are the ones who tell you stories after you’ve known them a while.
A year ago I would have told you the same, but I went out a lot more and now fuck, I have a lot of stories. Some I keep to myself and some I can tell
I have a very similar problem. For me I think it’s usually that I can’t think of anything to contribute or talk about because my self esteem won’t let me share anything about my personal life for fear of being judged.
Or if that’s not the case, maybe you just don’t get out much or do many things that would lead to having stories to tell
Same. I avoid being in groups because I don’t want to be the quiet one that only nods,which makes my condition worse because if I avoid hanging out then I won’t meet more people and won’t have any stories to share with anyone and will keep quiet. I find myself telling stories when I am around people I know and comfortable with. I open up easily. As others said. You gotta try stuff and do stuff outside. Good luck
The only way to have a lot of great stories is to *be* a part of great stories. You have to go out and do stuff, and then you’ll have stories to tell. Also, try picturing your experiences through other people’s eyes. You may have a lot of great stories that just don’t seem great to you because they’re familiar. A lot of those people who seem to always have a story aren’t filled with more stories, they’re just good storytellers.
Also, and I’m sharing this as a dirty little secret from someone who’s often been ‘that guy with the great stories’ … lie. I mean, don’t lie and make up a story. But like, good storytellers know when to tell white lies in order to cut short the pacing in just the right place, or to up the ante at just the right moment.
Don’t lie about being mauled by a grizzly, when actually you just saw one from fifty feet away on the side of the road. But let’s say you’re telling the story of how you got that great grizzly picture! Maybe, in your story, the way it happens is that you were driving along when you saw a scenic overlook, so you pulled the car over and got out to snap the picture. But as you were looking through the viewfinder, you get this weird feeling that someone’s behind you, you know how that happens sometimes? And so then you swiveled around and there was a grizzly RIGHT THERE! And it was in that moment when you realized … that you were still looking through the viewfinder. The grizzly was actually, oh I dunno, more like fifty feet away. You still hightailed it back to your car real-quick, though. But not before snapping a great picture! [pass phone to friends here]
But the key is to always make changes in ways that add imagery and flavor to the story, but not in ways that change the underlying message. Like, in both versions of the grizzly story, the underlying message is still “I saw a grizzly, it was cool”. Embellishment isn’t embarrassing unless you do something like claim that all your friends ran away from the grizzly but you just stood there and snapped the picture … because that’s changing the message to “I’m super tough I wasn’t afraid of the grizzly”.
You get the idea. Accentuate and embellish. But do it like adding spice to a soup. Don’t toss out the soup and make hamburgers.
I heard a comedian once do a bit where he farted on Jessica Simpson, not he hated her, but because it made a good story. He said when you’re old you only have memories, so sometimes you need to do things nit because they’re the right choice, or thr smart choice, but what will make thr better story. I follow that motto and my life became a lot more interesting
I have same problem, just enjoy the stories 🤷♂️
I think the reason is I don’t have the same experiences as most people I’m around a lot, nor the same interests. Usually if I tell a story I think is extremely interesting or funny, people just look at me with blank stares. And that’s ok.
I’m a story teller, a talker. My husband is not. It’s just a matter of different personality types.
Don’t change who you are. Just because you don’t have an interest in telling stories, doesn’t mean you’re not a great person. You have other traits that story tellers don’t.
I bet you’d rather people-watch, than engage in a big group. Right? My husband is the same way. Google “personality types”, like type A, type B, etc., and you’ll find the personality type that fits you best. It may answer a lot of questions you may have. – These are actual, psychological personality types. Not like astrology, but scientific. They’re taught in psychology courses.
You’re great the way you are!