So I’m having some issues with my housemate at the moment but a lot of them are coming from me.
To cut a long story short, I got locked out of the rest of my house on Saturday because I was told I wasn’t allowed to be around while the girl he’s dating was having dinner with him. It went on from 6pm.
To be totally honest. I would’ve been okay with it. He doesn’t know this but I have a massive phobia of hearing others having sex. I know it’s weird but it makes me feel unsafe and worried.
But. That wasn’t the issue. The issue was when we were at the bar he called me awkward and said the whole reason I wasn’t allowed in was essentially because I was so awkward I’d ruin it for him. I had to message him if I wanted food (which I didn’t because I was upset and felt it was dehumanising).
I was already feeling a bit down on myself. And that awkward comment really upset me. To the point I spent most of the evening in my room feeling suicidal (I haven’t told anyone this till now).
I haven’t spoken to him about it. He doesn’t know there’s anything wrong except that I’ve been stand off ish.
I told my friend and she said I was ruining his new romance for him and I was awkward. Which kinda upset me even further.
I can’t seem to let go of this and I’m finding it hard to leave my room now as I’ll have to see people like him.
I’m 25M and I should be too old for this. But it’s really got to me.
How do I progress from here? I really don’t want to talk to anyone but I don’t feel I can stay in my room forever. I haven’t spoken to anyone in 3 days.
Tl;dr feeling upset by comments made by people and it’s got me mentally down
4 comments
This is what works for me.You’ve got to break it down to its simplist form in your brain. “Why does this bother me so much?” Take your answer and break it down further. “It hurts because I’m worried it’s true. Why am I worried it’s true?” ” because I can be that way sometimes/because someone said that to me when I was younger/because I fear that being true and I fear no one *really* likes me.” Eventually you reach a point where you’re chasing the same thought in circles around your brain. Then, you take it and say, “well, what’s the worst that could happen? Is that really so bad? Why should I stop existing just because one person -a fraction of a fraction of the population on the planet – says I’m awkward. He’s the fricken weirdo who locked me out of the apartment for X long .” It ends up boiling down to: should I stop existing because one asshole is mildly inconvenienced by my supposed awkwardness? Hell no! He also acted awkwardly and inconvenienced *you*. He may not have even meant what he said, but was too immature to say directly “I want to bone my girlfriend” Don’t let something that was out of his brain in 2 seconds take over your life.
First up, you should talk to a therapist and get help if you are feeling so low. Secondly, this is an extremely weird setup- I lived with different roommates for 10 years and never once did anyone ask me to be out of the house while they were on a date or tell me I had to talk to them if I wanted food… that sounds manipulative and kind of abusive. I don’t really understand how you being around would ruin his date??
Asking for space from a roommate to have a date is somewhat common. Depending on the setup that shouldn’t mean locking you out of the house. Making yourself scarce and maybe not using the common room as much as possible shouldn’t be a big deal. But locking you out and demanding you ask for permission to get food is a step to far. Tell him thats unacceptable, and do not comply.
As for you making it awkward he should be able to tell you what he meant by that. Do you have a tendency to hover?
You need to speak to a therapist and invest in some good headphones.