Long story short, my best friend and I entertained the idea of dating in 2019. She didn’t want to do long distance so it fell off. But then she ended up doing long distance with another guy. It hurt me once.
Fast forward to now, she broke up with her ex a couple months ago. But she still has feelings for him, since it was a breakup she didn’t want to do but needed to.
She brought up the fact that she would date me. I went with it. She said she wanted to take it slow, which I have no problem with especially since she’s still dealing with those emotions and figuring things out.
Went on our first date last week and she kept expressing how much I meant to her, always being there for her through everything.
Her ex went over to her apartment and I guess things “happened” that night.
She expressed to me she isn’t sure what she wants right now, needs time to sort her feelings out, but wants to continue taking it slow.
Unsure what to do at this point as since that night her ex visited, she’s been distant whenever I try to reach out.
She’s my best friend of 9 years. I care for her deeply and want to be there for her, but I don’t want to be hurt again.
Do I keep pursuing something or do I simply accept it?
3 comments
Unless you’re ok with being a permanent backup, I’d move on. It’s clear she wants her ex back and is just keeping you on the bench so in the worst case scenario she’s not by herself.
Stop chasing the illusion.. Find someone that cares for you and never be someone’s second choice… Sometimes two people just can’t be together man
42 M. I’m still in a situation sort of like this. She was a friend of a friend. We really hit it off. Like, BIG TIME. I knew I wanted to marry her after ten minutes. We did a lot of things together in 2020, and her kids LOVED me. They begged her to marry me. Then her INCREDIBLY abusive ex got out of jail (after he hit her). Little by little he worked his way back in. After I had co-signed on her lease (because he had messed up her credit) so she and her kids could have a roof over their heads, she went back to him. Of course, “for the kids.” So she was living in a house with my name on the lease and he basically had free reign of the place.
And it sucked. I literally got to watch them get closer and closer. She had told me that nothing would ever change between us and she loved me. But everytime I’d try to come to visit (she’s 100 miles from me) there was some excuse as to why that couldn’t happen. It was fairly obvious that he was controlling her, and she was going along with it. Eventually they got engaged. And in spring of 2022 they broke up again. I never left the picture, but now we’re in this strange limbo where she’s living in a house with HIS name on the lease. And until that lease ends, he comes and goes as he pleases. We find ways to see each other, and she’s basically told me that she wants me to marry her, as do her kids. And I feel the same.
Look, end of the day I’m incredibly lucky. This assuming it works out the way I want it to work out. I’m not worried about her going back to him again, because this time around it feels very different. Their son (4 yo) is special needs and has racked up numerous medical bills. He refuses to pay half because he says it isn’t his problem. She’s going to slap him with child support this time around – so there’s little way forward for them. This as opposed to me, who loves all of them and is willing to do my part to help take care of her and her’s. Nothing’s guaranteed. But we’re making plans quietly for when she’s free of the lease with him.
Again, if this works out, I’m lucky. I felt something in my gut that strongly told me she was “the one.” But most stories like this end when she takes back the ex. So my advice to you is to seriously evaluate your situation. Do you love this woman? Like, desperately love this woman? And do you see a path forward with her? Because if you do, that’s a great start. The question is whether or not she’s willing to walk that same path. Again, most stories like this end when the girl takes the ex back, and you then become “the guy who kept us from our love” in the grand scheme of their over-arching story. My story is proof that it doesn’t always work out that way. I’ll always be grateful to myself for never giving up. But my story’s the exception to the rule. Without knowing, I’m sure most other comments here will tell you to scoot. But if you truly love her…you just never know.