TL;DR – I found an envelope with nude pics from a relationship that ended 12 years ago and he wants to keep them. I didn’t fight him on it and now I regret it
Hi there. My partner (32m) and I (32f) have been together for about 2.5y and generally have a great relationship. Lots of trust, we make each other laugh, make plans for the future together. It’s the most comfortable and stable relationship I’ve ever been in, and I love him very much.
Earlier this week, I was looking for something in a box and noticed an envelope of photos. I genuinely didn’t even think that it could be anything I wasn’t supposed to see, so I had a look, expecting to find cute family snaps or something. I found 3 photos of his ex from about 12 years ago – one regular clothed pic and two nude selfies that had been printed.
I tried to forget about it, but I felt sick all week and eventually told him that I had found them and that I felt really weird about it. He apologized for the fact I saw them, and explained that she had them printed as a gift for him when they were together. He said that if they were digital photos they’d have been long gone, but because they are are physical prints he doesn’t want to get rid of them.
He said he kept them to remember who he was at that time, and also made a funny quip that at age 20 this was probably the most important thing to happen to him all year.
I felt a bit better after we spoke, but now I can’t stop thinking about it – we’re talking about photos of a very young woman who he hasn’t spoken to in 10 years. I wish I had asked him to get rid of them, but I would have felt guilty about making him throw something away that he wants to keep. I would just prefer if he didn’t want to keep them.
I brought it up again today and he assured me that he loves me, which I believe, but he hasn’t changed his position on the photos. Now I feel pretty insecure and sad about the whole thing. How do I get over this?
11 comments
When a relationship ends, nudes are expected to be deleted in any form. I bet the ex gf doesn’t know he has these and that could land him in a lot of trouble. Don’t take no for an answer.
Take the photos and move them else where. See if he notices. That will tell you if he’s using them to pleasure himself with and he lied to you about the purpose.
It’s not much different than looking at porn if you really think about it.
I still have 100s of nude photos of my ex wife. I would never share them but I certainly use them as fantasy material only. I have zero want or will to have a relationship let alone feel anything “emotional” towards her.
Every one has a past. People are allowed to keep aspects of it. Whats really changed from a few days ago. Those photos were always in that box he’s still the same guy he was before.
Haha what a trash response from him. If they were digital they’d be gone, but since they’re tangible he feels some obligation to keep them!? Nahhh. You stumbled upon (at least part of) his spank bank. At the risk of sounding dramatic, I’d think a “it’s me or the photos” ultimatum would be fair.
He’s keeping a naked picture of his ex, without her consent. They’re no talking it through. Leave
He doesn’t love you very much if he keeps them. He obviously still has feelings for this person. Give him an ultimatum.
Message his ex and ask her if she knows he’s still looking at her nudes. Im sorry but that is such a lame excuse, I don’t know how nude photos of your ex remind you of yourself. It’s creepy, it’s weird. I can understand a clothed photo, but a nude one? Hell no, shred them.
Are you not pleasing him sexually? I would probably do a little soul searching in that regard as well. You could offer a few tangible photos of you in exchange, but ultimately if he says he wants em then you are not the one for him. Give him an ultimatum!
You don’t have to get over it. Let him know this will forever come between you both emotionally.
Why are you supposed to get over a blatantly lie from him?
Quite frankly only way around this to frame a picture of your ex’s nudes and put them up. Make sure to have a hard line.
i found old photos of my bf’s ex who harassed me when we first started dating, told him i found them, then burned them in our fire pit. ¯_(ツ)_/ he’s never noticed and didn’t even realize he had them (random storage box) but i advocate being petty. fuck her and if he cares about some olds nudes, fuck him too. print out some of your own and give them to him, he can treasure those.
What a load of nutty responses here.. I highly doubt this guy goes and pulls these pictures out to jerk off to. First of all you “stumbled upon them”, which as far as I know means you found an envelope with photos that weren’t yours, and you proceeded to open it and look through them, which was already pushing the boundaries of reasonable behavior You’re out of line here and you’re making demands based on your insecurities. There’s a post here every day about this in some form or another. If he was looking at them regularly or something that would be pretty weird, but if its something you “came across” amongst his personal mementos, you need to drop it and get over it. It’s not a big deal unlike you want to keep make it one, and being insecure and controlling is going to be the end of your relationship eventually.
You simply don’t have the authority or justification to take this any further.
If you really can’t get over it you’re free to leave him of course, in the grand scheme of his life it’s hard to say where you rank in importantance but purging all trace of any past relationships for a two year long relationship may not go over well with everyone. Even if you have him destroy the photos she will still exist to some degree in his memory, unless you want to burn her out of his head with electric shocks or something. Dont be the insecure controlling ex girlfriend who he WANTS to erase all memory of after you guys break up, everyone has a past and people in their past, adults accept that as a fact of life and carry on, this is childish stuff