I feel like in most friend groups everyone seems to be really tight with each other and close 1 on 1 as well, this is how it’s like with my middle school friend group but it feels so different with my high school friends. We hang out outside of school a lot and while those are fun I don’t think our group really has that close friend group bond and is probably going to dissolve once high school ends. Whenever we have conversations online it’s usually just talking about the next time we’re going to hangout etc. but the conversations don’t really feel like they have much substance to them? It’s like we talk to each other more so to fill a social void rather than because we’re actually close. Everyone from my middle school friend group (we all go to different high schools) have found really tight friend groups in high school that will last beyond high school and while I’m so happy for them I also wish I could’ve done the same. Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with or change this?
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There’s some research on how friendships move to the next level (like, acquaintance->slight friend->close friend->besty->etc). It seems to take two things:
1: A certain number of words. For instance, you have to have some encounters with a slight friend talking over relatively small stuff before you trust them enough to get closer.
2: Making that move of talking about more serious things. At first small talk brings strangers closer. But it can eventually keep friends at a distance.
You want to get closer with these people, you are going to have to talk about some more serious, vulnerable topics.
And if that doesn’t work, well, there is always college!