I made another post about another topic that most people responded to with the answer that past relationships/sexual partners don’t really come up in a relationship. Is this true? I’ve never really been in one, but I assumed it comes up as a relationship gets serious. I wouldn’t shame someone because of their past, I’m just curious, is it wrong to ask this?
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I think it’s common to ask why past relationships failed, to weed out red flags, but it’s not mandatory to ask.
My partner calls this “Car facts,” like when you’re looking to buy a car and you need to know its history.
It isn’t necessary to do, but it definitely can point out some red flags that would otherwise go unnoticed. If I feel we might get serious, I normally ask how many people they’ve been with, how those relationships went, and why they broke up. If it isn’t serious, then I just ask if they’re seeing anyone atm and how their past relationships have been
I can’t imagine it not coming up. People carry over all sorts of experiences and idiosyncrasies born from past relationships, which would prompt past relationship talk when those become a topic.
Directly asking can be taken the wrong way though as it does include private matters. They’ll tell when it comes up and they are ready. It is part of understanding the other person, so it should come up at some point as it gets serious.
Typically, you should get as much context about past history as possible. Don’t worry so much about numbers or anything weird like that (physical appearances, etc), but the context of their history will tell you a lot about the type of person they have been thus far in their life and what obstacles you might be up against. For example, if you date someone who was previously in an abusive relationship you’re going to get reactions from them in conflict that don’t really compute within the context of your relationship with them. They may overreact and lash out or they may completely shutdown and act afraid. If you know about their history, it’s far easier (if you aren’t an asshole) to recognize what you’re dealing with and respond compassionately to them being triggered. It’s really important, if they’re ever going to get past that, that you learn what they found triggering about it, because conflict is a normal part of a relationship and you have to learn how to do it in a way that they don’t feel threatened by. That’s just one example of a situation where the history is important. Even if something wasn’t necessarily abusive, they may have been in a situation that was genuinely hurtful or unhealthy. Like it or not, that will affect your relationship.
I can’t imagine it not coming up unless you are just profoundly incurious about your partner. A person’s history is what makes them who they are, don’t you want to know them?
I loved a girl from the first day of middle school to my last year of high school she left me in 2019 because her family was having money problems, so she was forced to move without telling anyone and created a new life without me or any old friends.
Its’s now 2023 and I’m a single 21-year-old virgin college student who can proudly say that even though my time in the arena of romance is over I have no regrets because she was and always will be the love of my life.
I’m telling you this because it might make you feel better as life will always be hard but even the worse outcomes aren’t bad, I recommend that if you someday end up in my place you just focus on money its’s not for everyone, but it works for many people.
I might need to add for clarification that because I’m Hispanic Romain Catholic finding a new or a different girl goes against everything we practice.
The way it works is both you and your past girlfriend reunite in hell and burn down there for at least the same time as a human life so by doing that all sin will be washed away.
You and the female will be clean and reverted back to virgins to enter heaven as children with all the memories of the past life so that you may love the girl for eternity.
That’s what many of us look forward to in the next life.
You need to ask how it has been since she had a serious relationship, lots of woman still stuck on ex bf.
I was with someone who never asked a single question about my past, which made me not want to ask either. When things started getting serious and I finally asked, I understood why. Lots of baggage.